I keep meaning to get back into a more regular journalling habit, and I keep... not doing that. Patlry because I need mental time to decompress from work and what time is left I usually use for other things like games, or writing, or other social things.

But I'm still here! I read more than I comment on most stuff. I'm probably most active on tumblr, if by active you count just reblogging all the things with no commentary and half the time no tags. It's just so easy to be mindless :p I watched all of The Dragon Prince and I think probably that's been dominating my fandom content lately. Aaravos is just so damned pretty.

I have been doing other things. I still have three games - Ye Olde Adventure Worlde, Ashnabis, and Fuck Squad. And Larp. So four but I always categorize LARP differently. I'm like....close to being finished another shawl already. This one has gone super fast. I recognize that being 25 rows from the end of a half circle shawl is sill pretty far off but it has been going really fast! It is not my usual colours, but I'm hoping I will still wear it. I'm also most of the way through another pair of socks, which is good because I'm starting to loose some to wear. Oh well, I know what my next sock pattern will be already! I've been on a kick for fairly simple patterns lately, so they've been going fast. I've also been writing more regularly without as much of a post-yuletide slump. I'm hoping I can get finished another short fic for this fan-flashworks - I'm close to being finished the row on my card, and I've been enjoying contributing there again. ON the other hand, I'd started this year with plans to maybe start writing an actual novel and that has completely not happened even a little. Or, well, I made half a page of notes and a playlist. I haven't forgotten, I just haven't done anything with it yet.

The biggest news is that I am officially getting promoted to Collections Manager at work. This is basically reflecting what I have been doing since September anyway, but it comes with a significant raise over the contract position I was hired into to years ago, which was explicitly not a management job (even though I have been managing people and resources there from the get go). The authority and responsibility are still a mental shift, but the pay is like...even more of a livable adult range than what I had been making. And I'm not really planning to change my living arrangement so hopefully I can start ding other adult things like actually saving for the future, or getting a car. This is still a contract position, but considering where things have been going and how much responsibility I'me being given, I am confident that even if this contract doesn't get renewed as is, there will be something for me, and if there isn't, I should have enough experience to move on easily. So apparently I have a career and I feel pretty good about that except for the impostor syndrome and general traumas of academia, wooh! I do find it difficult to reconcile different aspects of my life, but I do plan to continue enjoying it as much as I can. Work can be stressful and frustrating but I feel like what I am doing is important and meaningful and it can be pretty rewarding. I'm hoping I can keep making things better.

What else... Jola is still doing about the same. Her lump has grown more, but she's been more active since the weather has started getting warmer and has really been pressing me to go for longer walks. I need to find a way to protect her foot though, because she drags it a bit and it is wearing down her nails so much they'd been bleeding. I have paw protectors I use for her in the winter, but the friction is not really what they're built for and they've been wearing out too fast. I'll have to see if I can get her a more durable bootie and hope she'll wear it. Because the top of her foot is what drags, I'm afraid anything else is gong to have the same issue. But I guess I'll get 4 in a set and only need 1 at a time, and I don't really know how long they need to last still >.>

I think that's it! I have 10 days of vacation this year and am trying to decide how to use it. I think I might go see my dad on my own for a bit, as I know he'd like that. Maybe we'll do Webercon again this year too. And then - I don't know. I have so many friends scattered all over the place that I'd like to visit, and I might try and set aside some time for a trip out west to see people there if I can. 10 days in a year is really not so much, unfortunately, but I'm lucky as I do also get some days around Christmas and New Years that aren't counted towards that.

My plans this weekend though are to see if I can finish this story, work on my Jukebox signup, and have game tomorrow.... not so ambitious.

Day three of the conference was also great! The last session was super informative about some of the issues of underwater archaeology in Ontario, and I did a little bit more networking, including someone who is going to be relevant to my job stuff in the near future. So hopefully that was beneficial! It made me itch to get back into doing research again, though and.... I doubt that will ever happen. Especially not for maritime landscape stuff. Pleh :/

It was snowing as I was making to leave, and it took so long to get ahold of a cab I was worried about missing my train! But I didn't, I just didn't get anything like lunch, and bought a bag of overpriced chips from a station vending machine to tide me over.

And then on the walk home from the station on this end of things, it was snailing! That's snow/hail :p It wasn't too bad though, as I was dressed for it and it wasn't blowing in my face.

Tonight I made a brownie pie in a cream cheese crust. I was not overly fond of the crust, in the end. I'm sure it could be made well, but I don't think this was the right recipe. The brownie bit was delicious though! I also looked over stuff for the oneshot I'm running next weekend at Windsorcon (the northerly counterpart to Webercon. Much smaller, for now...)

I really need to start my Yuletide story. I have an idea, I just need time to write...

PS I'm still sick. Still coughing, still have a head full of crud, and a resurgence of a sore throat for the past two and a half or so days. Pleh again!

I'm in Windsor, and on my phone. I predictably failed to pack a bunch of stuff, but nothing crucial afaik. I leave on Sunday.

Uhhh, what else. I finally finished watching Daredevil. Yeah, I'm a bit behind... Jessica Jones next, then Luke Cage. We'll probably finish Rebels while I'm here too, and hopefully get through reading more of Dark Disciple. Woohoo!

Everyone else is in bed like a responsible adult. I should try and sleep and readjust my sleep schedule for starting work next week :3

This is one of those entries i am probably going to have to force myself to post rather than just delete. But I haven't posted anything in 5 days, as I've been away. I did write some paper journal entries on...less than half...of those days. Ugh. I had good intentions, I just didn't have a lot of time to myself, and not a lot of emotional energy.

The service was nice - an informal drop-in sort of thing for people to come see the family and such. I think it was a lot more work for them emotionally, especially Cat's mother and grandfather, than they probably needed. Just a lot of people to talk to and so on. I saw a few people I hadn't seen or talked to in years, and met some more relatives and co-workers. There were pictures up, and some figurines we'd brought from his house, and a slide show of pictures. Afterwards, a bunch of us went to the Diplomat, which is a 24hour Chinese-Canadian restaurant where we used to make many a late night foray. They did some renovations to the place since we used to be there all the time, but it was the same as the last time we went as a group which was about 2011. the food was pretty much the same, though they have really changed their soup portions and now they are huuuuge. This restaurant is responsible for my disappointment that sweet and sour chicken doesn't come as battered chicken balls everywhere. They also have some pretty good cakes and cheesecakes, though they didn't have the one that Pretentia wanted.

It was really really nice to see her, and to be there for her. She and Cat were closer than siblings in a lot of ways, and I know she is totally devastated. She is also closer to the family, and has been helping Cat's mother with a lot of things. I did go up to his place a few times with her, and we checked in on the kitties (so fat.... so so so fat), changed their litter, fed them, petted them. We did some nominal tidying to start (some had already been done), but I ran a load of dishes through the dish washer, and such. I compiled some notes from IRC friends who has messaged him there before he fell offline (;_;) for his mother, and took down some information about some other servers where he may have spent time so I can let people there know as well. I think all the major place have been contacted though. His mother has basically given us (his friends/online friends) leave to deal with his computer/online things as we see fit, but unfortunately it isn't all that simple, as there is money and authority involved, and as the executor of his estate, there will be things she has to handle at least initially. Things like pics accounts set to automatically renew, and his websites and all of that :/ I made sure to upload some of his one page sites into the wayback machine, and will probably let them go. But the wiki we have used for our games for the past ten years is in his name, and that needs to get sorted out. I also tried to copy the dice rolling script that he wrote and that we used for a lot of out online games..... but I can't get it to work :( I really want to have that available still, as something that he made for us.

Anyway. I flew back to Ontario on Monday night, into Hamilton, then drove an hour and a half to London, and then left again for Windsor, where I am now. I'd told Nary I would come spend a few days with her when I got back, since she couldn't come to the memorial, so here I am. I wish I had brought my dog though. I miss her fuzzy face - someone else's dog s not *quite* the same, even if they are a very nice giant fluffball, as Argo is. I also feel guilty because I had originally told my sister that I would go with her when she went to get her tattoo today (and then leave early to get the kids after school), but there was some miscommunication about the fact that I was going *and* I had completely forgotten that it was this week (despite remembering last week? I don't know, my brain has been a mess). And I don't know, I'm just feelign very stressed out.

I had a lot of stressy dreams last night, mostly Larp-contexted. I think probably because I realized that I am missing an event this weekend that I had hoped to get to, as it seemed like a nice casual opportunity to rp, and the single day events are generally easier for me to get to, so meh. But it was a lot of things like.... my tent was covered in giant angry bees/hornets that were also dying, so I couldn't get into it and then I had to be careful, I'd forgotten all my gear, or had gear for the wrong character, or I tried to borrow stuff from my sister without asking and she was cranky with me (deservedly). I don't remember them super clearly, because I kept waking up in the middle of the night (or partly waking), and then trying to go back to sleep, so it is more like a string of snippets I only half remember than anything coherent. The tent was exactly my tent from my last summer at the buttermilk excavation, when I borrowed Brad's tent, set in the same copse of trees and covered with a tarp sunshade in the same way. The bees/hornets were the length of my palm. I could probably describe some of the larp clothes I had and didn't have. One of the characters I had was entirely a dream fabrication, and they wore this cool leather dress/bodysuit sort of thing that was so unique I couldn't wear it for my real character (Zia). I don't remember anything else about them.

I have things I should be doing, and things I could be doing, and I'm not doing anything. On the one hand it is nice to have some alone time, on the other hand, I am missing having my own space today. It is grey and blah out and I basically feel the same way. I feel like I'm living in other people's lives without actually living my own, and I feel frustrated and tired and stuck. But I also want to be left alone, and not have to talk to anyone unless I want to. Meh. I'm going to do some knitting and see if I feel any better after that.

Thank you to everyone who passed on their condolences, I really appreciate it.

I'd known my friend Cat (his name was Matthew, mostly we called him Cat or Mister Cat. he went by Balthcat online. Cat) since I was at least elementary school. We (my sister and I) used to pretend to be kitties with him and an older girl, Robin L. I remember one early encounter where he showed me some little wart or blister on his finger, and tried to convince me it somehow held the power of life or death over his mother. We were never more than playground friends at that point, but we both remembered those days from the Smythe Street afterschool program later on, and marveled.

We met back up again in highschool. He was younger than me, but was friends with a guy (also younger, he had skipped a grade or two) in my after-lunch history class, so he would come and hang out and chat until it was time to leave. I met a lot of other really close friends through him. He was there, coincidentally, when I first started LARPing, and we got to know each other better after that, too.

I have always had a pretty active online life, and I've managed to integrate a lot of rl friends into that in ways where it is hard to separate the two. I have an irc channel that is mostly scattered RL friends, who have become at least internet friends with each other because of that. I successfully crossed streams, in that way.

Cat was part of that. As our original local friend group dispersed, we kept u with online gaming and such, and he was part of that. I think I have seen or talked tho him online in some form for pretty much everyday for, literally decades, in more or less depth (he worked nights sometimes, and a lot of it was general group chats, but he was always *there*. We were pretty close. I feel awful that while I noted his absence, I didn't *remark* on it sooner. I don't think it would have mattered. he had a crazy sleep schedule, and I was really busy this weekend. i still feel like a total heel. We played a game on vassal on Monday night and I wondered where he was, because he should have played with us, but he never showed up and we got sucked into the game. Apparently he never showed up to work that day, and one of his coworkers had the cops go check on him. The last time he was active online that anyone can find was Friday. We don't know what happened, and may not find out for months. He was 36, and lived physically alone other than his two kitties, Deimos and Phobos who now need new homes. He had a huge sprawling online community, including our 'home' group, various music sharing forums and chats, and some furries he's been friends with since highschool. I think we have found them all, but I'm still not sure. I hope so, anyway.

In a very lucky strike, there is a new airline that has opened that has really cheap flights back east, so my sister and I, with the help of friends, because the airports for these 'cheap' flights are not close, are going to be able to go home for the memorial. I'd like to be able to help a little with cleaning out his place, because, uh, his mother should not have to, and there are things there he wold not want her to see/deal with. I'm glad I get to go, but sad that I will miss this weekend with Nary, who was also a rl friend of his, and who is stuck with the second week of the course that is already paid for. Bleh. But her husband and son and dog are coming up with her, and Wererogue and the kids and our dogs will still be here, so at least she will have lots of good sympathetic company. Well, maybe not the kids. They'd met Cat but I don't think they remember, and probably don't understand :/

Anyway. I will probably have more things to say on this, but for right now that's all my mental energy. I am going to watch some Clone Wars with Nary because relative mindlessness.

I've just been away for about 10 days on a road trip down to visit friends from Texas... We used to do our friend-con in March, but the reasons for that timing are no longer pertinent and it took a while to reorganize. But it was great, on the whole. There was some social weirdness going on from some corners, but whatever. I am really glad and grateful that I got to see those folks again! And the games and gaming were really fun!

I'll write up some drabbles for the ones I played in, as is tradition, but I'm only home in the sense of being back in my own country. I have a French test - step one in a potentially lengthy interview process - to go to on Thursday, so I'm staying in Windsor, since it is closer to the testing facility. I might work on some tomorrow between bouts of studying.

I have some scattered thoughts for stories of various lengths, the most recent inspired by the slew of paranormal story podcasts we were listening to for part of the drive. We'll see if anything comes of those.

I have such great intentions of regular posting but I can't seem to keep it up ;p I't a shame - I don't know if anyone reads this regularly, but personally I always feel more connected to people when I can read regularly about their lives. I'd like to.... I dunno if it is that i want to offer you that same opportunity, or the more egoistical version where I want people to feel more connected to me as a sense of validation. Anyway :p Hi?

Work goes on. It is a big mess and I have so many mixed feelings.

I managed to write two things for Jukebox, and am quite pleased with both of them! I also received both a gift and a treat, and they were both so so great! I'm super pleased! I wish I'd been able to write more, but I am having a hard time with time, and motivation, and organization, and life balance things.

I went to a LARP game a few weeks ago and it was super great fun! I know I don't have the time and energy or money to get really sucked back in, but man can I feel the pull of it!

I got more tattoo work done! I got a few more spirals on my underarm (ouch!), plus I got some way-overdue touchups and fixes done to the last bits I had done when I was in Texas. I really really like the artist I've found here, much more than I liked the person in Texas. She's looking in to branding for me, because it isn't really a common thing. But I might know some other people I can look through. I want to get at least one more brand as part of this over all piece. Possibly I'm crazy. But I really want it. pics here!

Uh... what else...I have been and am going to be doing a bunch of traveling! in two weeks I'm going with Nary to Massachusetts for her Grandmother's 100th birthday party, wooh! It will be a pretty hit-and-run affair. Then in August I'll be in New Brunswick to see my dad and folks for two weeks, and then at the end of the month I'm taking a road trip down to Texas for Webercon and to see some other Texas friends. I don't think we have officially told tethys123 that we are planning to descend upon her, but we are (hi! :V)

I am about 3/4 through knitting a cool bolero (ember bolero), and I've started some socks. But also I bough some gorgeous gradient yarn (midnight paintbox by Fiber Optic yarns) to knit another shawl. A bigger shawl! The pattern is Cynara, and I'm still debating how I want to do the gradients for it.

I'm sure I'm missing some stuff, but honestly nothing much has changed with me lately. I really should be job hunting but ugh. Just ugh. Also, ugh.
I'm going out bin a bit to Kareoke at the pub up the street, which is a newish thing in my life (see above re: life balance though, ugh). But I have a cold, so we'll see how things go...

Like I said this is a quicky so if you want links to anything poke me and I'll add them later :3

Uggggg can't sleep :( :( :(

Going to naryrising's tomorrow to house sit for a week or so, so at least I guess I'll have plenty of time to catch up on zzzzzzzs...

A quick reply to today's question from fishmalk because I do have an answer quick to hand:

I have always wanted to visit the Ukraine and the Black Sea area. I don't really know *why* I have, but it fascinates me for some reason. I've never been able to afford it, and of course the region is deeply troubled at the moment. But I'd really love to see Kiev someday.

I am lucky though - earis has been (envy!), and she brought me back a few little souvenirs - a totebag from Kiev, a beautiful little mug from Swallow's Nest Castle, and a little iron of a saint whose name I forget but it is really pretty! so I have some Thing even if I have never been. There are a lot of other places I'd love to travel too, in Europe and elsewhere. I'm lucky to have been around as much as I have, though!

Tomorrow I don't technically have a question submitted, but I thought I might do sort of an AMA style thing instead - just leave me questions in the comments all day tomorrow and I'll try and answer them. I might not get them all answered *tomorrow* but I'll try! And if I don't have nay questions by, like, 11 PM my time I'll just poke naryrising for another drabble prompt ^-^

Meanwhile, I have a bunch of stuff I need to do today, so I am also including a ( to-do list... )

I will go back and fill in that last post, really I will. Hopefully sometime this weekend!

I am going home to visit my dad and his wife (who I like fine but it still seems off to refer to as my step mother as they only married after I was no longer living at home), and see my sister and my nephews. I leave next Friday and (but really I don't get in until 11 pm -_-), and then I get back the following Wednesday evening. Fun times ahead! I have only been to my dad's place once, a few years ago, when it was a recent acquisition. It was the middle of the winter then as well.Now a lot of the repairs and renovations are complete, and it will be summer, so I can take more advantage of the fact that they live right on the river. You can walk into the river from their lawn. They have several kayaks and (I think) a canoe as well. There may even be fishing involved. It's gonna be amazing.

But since I'm leaving on Friday it means I need to start getting stuff ready now, so I'm not trying to rush through things in the evenings! I'm doing laundry now with an eye towards being able to at least set stuff aside, if not actively start packing. It is also making grocery shopping a bit weird - mind it has already been weird this month for other reasons. But weirder, let's say. I need to pick up a few things on Monday that will hopefully just get me through until Friday morning.

I also have one big thing on my plate, which is a book review for SHA! I keep forgetting hoe long it needs to be - I should go check gain. Either 500 or 1000 words (I'm preeetty sure 500). I have it started, and I'm hoping to get it mostly knocked out today, and then have some time to get it polished up. Plus there has been some movement on the pirate book I submitted an article for ages ago - it will be nice to finally get some material from my first (Sheffield) MA published!

Other than that, I have some drabbles to finish up, and god frickin damnit I need to get the stitches picked up to do the neck edging on firelight. I just can't get it even and it makes me want to burn the whole thing, argh. I don't know why I have such trouble with this - it was the same on ease :( I'm afraid it is going to look awful because I've had to undo it so many times. It shouldn't be fucking rocket science. And yet -_- I should just stay away from patterns where I need to pick things up I guess :p