elanya

I keep meaning to get back into a more regular journalling habit, and I keep... not doing that. Patlry because I need mental time to decompress from work and what time is left I usually use for other things like games, or writing, or other social things.

But I'm still here! I read more than I comment on most stuff. I'm probably most active on tumblr, if by active you count just reblogging all the things with no commentary and half the time no tags. It's just so easy to be mindless :p I watched all of The Dragon Prince and I think probably that's been dominating my fandom content lately. Aaravos is just so damned pretty.

I have been doing other things. I still have three games - Ye Olde Adventure Worlde, Ashnabis, and Fuck Squad. And Larp. So four but I always categorize LARP differently. I'm like....close to being finished another shawl already. This one has gone super fast. I recognize that being 25 rows from the end of a half circle shawl is sill pretty far off but it has been going really fast! It is not my usual colours, but I'm hoping I will still wear it. I'm also most of the way through another pair of socks, which is good because I'm starting to loose some to wear. Oh well, I know what my next sock pattern will be already! I've been on a kick for fairly simple patterns lately, so they've been going fast. I've also been writing more regularly without as much of a post-yuletide slump. I'm hoping I can get finished another short fic for this fan-flashworks - I'm close to being finished the row on my card, and I've been enjoying contributing there again. ON the other hand, I'd started this year with plans to maybe start writing an actual novel and that has completely not happened even a little. Or, well, I made half a page of notes and a playlist. I haven't forgotten, I just haven't done anything with it yet.

The biggest news is that I am officially getting promoted to Collections Manager at work. This is basically reflecting what I have been doing since September anyway, but it comes with a significant raise over the contract position I was hired into to years ago, which was explicitly not a management job (even though I have been managing people and resources there from the get go). The authority and responsibility are still a mental shift, but the pay is like...even more of a livable adult range than what I had been making. And I'm not really planning to change my living arrangement so hopefully I can start ding other adult things like actually saving for the future, or getting a car. This is still a contract position, but considering where things have been going and how much responsibility I'me being given, I am confident that even if this contract doesn't get renewed as is, there will be something for me, and if there isn't, I should have enough experience to move on easily. So apparently I have a career and I feel pretty good about that except for the impostor syndrome and general traumas of academia, wooh! I do find it difficult to reconcile different aspects of my life, but I do plan to continue enjoying it as much as I can. Work can be stressful and frustrating but I feel like what I am doing is important and meaningful and it can be pretty rewarding. I'm hoping I can keep making things better.

What else... Jola is still doing about the same. Her lump has grown more, but she's been more active since the weather has started getting warmer and has really been pressing me to go for longer walks. I need to find a way to protect her foot though, because she drags it a bit and it is wearing down her nails so much they'd been bleeding. I have paw protectors I use for her in the winter, but the friction is not really what they're built for and they've been wearing out too fast. I'll have to see if I can get her a more durable bootie and hope she'll wear it. Because the top of her foot is what drags, I'm afraid anything else is gong to have the same issue. But I guess I'll get 4 in a set and only need 1 at a time, and I don't really know how long they need to last still >.>

I think that's it! I have 10 days of vacation this year and am trying to decide how to use it. I think I might go see my dad on my own for a bit, as I know he'd like that. Maybe we'll do Webercon again this year too. And then - I don't know. I have so many friends scattered all over the place that I'd like to visit, and I might try and set aside some time for a trip out west to see people there if I can. 10 days in a year is really not so much, unfortunately, but I'm lucky as I do also get some days around Christmas and New Years that aren't counted towards that.

My plans this weekend though are to see if I can finish this story, work on my Jukebox signup, and have game tomorrow.... not so ambitious.

I wrote a reveals post for Chocolate box. I was INCREDIBLY spoiled!

In other news, I am "finished" the shawl I was working on in the sense that it needs blocking and washing and end weaving and I have no idea when I'll have a chance to do any of that. I've started a new shawl that I got the yarn and pattern for like a yer and a half or more ago, and I'm loving it! I also cast on some socks for bus knitting.

I've come to the conclusion and also come to terms with the fact that as much as I love my Karbonz needles, they are really hard on my hand. The rigidity and texture of the carbon fiber is nice in some ways, but I wind up holding all the tension in my fingers and after a while they ache. Wood or bamboo too better at absorbing the energy, so I don't have the same trouble. I'm slowly replacing all my dpns and circs, but I'm sad about it. OTOH painless knitting is definitely worth it.

Jola is doing okay - thanks to everyone who left comments on my post a while back, I appreciated your kind words <3. She doesn't like the cold overly much, so that's not helping. Today was a little warmer and she practically ran out of the house and wanted a much longer walk than she has been having lately. I think he mass had another small growth spurt a while ago, and she is on NSAIDs now instead of what she was on before, but otherwise shes been stable. I go back and forth on how long I think she's got.

Work is still busy but while there isn't really less to do, and my new contract is actually going to have a lot more responsibility on paper, but I am not feeling constantly overwhelmed. I'm getting into the swing of things and the new normal. Having things be less up in the air has been really helpful. I'm feeling much less pulled in different directions and I'm happy to see things moving forward.

So, Back in November - on Woolfenoot, to be precise - I noticed that my dog, Jola, had developed what seemed to be a large swelling on her right chest. I took her to the emergency vet, thinking she'd hurt herself some how and was just swollen, or that it was a fluid edema, or something. It was not.

At my home vet, they did a fine needle aspiration, then a real punch biopsy, and blood tests, none of which were at all conclusive. They did radiography, x-rays to start, where they thought it was maybe her heart (though I am still not clear why they were looking there...), and then a CT scan which showed the large mass to probably be a sarcoma. Well encapsulated towards her head, but with "stranding" where it led further back towards her tail. They didn't see any metastasizing in her lungs at least. The differential diagnosis from the CT scan, from the radiologist was a sarcoma.

Today I went to the Animal Cancer Center at the University of Guelph to meet with member of their oncology team, to talk about where we are, what is left to learn, and options on where to go next.

Thy think it is probably a sarcoma, but can't confirm that without further tests - specifically it would require another histology test from a biopsy taken with ultrasound (to make sure they are getting a good sample) to determine what kind/level of aggressiveness. They would also want to do an ultrasound of her abdomen to make sure that she doesn't have another issue already that would make treatment of this mass pointless. I think the CT scan actually covers all the area they'd want to look at, but they hadn't received it before the appointment because of some communication issues with my vet (they don't have the CT, they don't have the software to look at it, so they sent the Cancer Clinic to the radiology peeps). I actually have the CT scan, because we have the MicroCT at work (at least physically) and very definitely do have the software to look at DICOM stacks, so I have some images, and was able to show them to the resident on my phone at least. I am not going to pay $1300 for radiography and not insist on a copy :p

Anyway. Those tests (plus a urine tests to make sure her kidneys are okay for NSAIDS) are the very next steps they would do, to identify the sarcoma, and then it would be surgery, and then a regimen of radiation therapy. All of this would need to happen at Guelph. It would be a major surgery and she might lose her leg. She would have to be sedate for every treatment, and complications could arise from it and she would be very sick, and it would have to cover a large area. I would have to take time away from work to get someone else to drive me and her to a city an hour and a half away for each treatment and test. And then at best she'd go into remission, Oh and also it would run around $10,000 for the surgery and radiation. One without the other would not be effective - without radiation it would come back, and considering how quickly it has grown this time, it could happen very quickly, and she would have gone through a very complicated major surgery for nothing.

So, I am not doing any of that. I decided that at this point, I will do my best to manage her quality of life. I will keep her on pain killers (and do the urine test to see if I can add NSAIDS to the mix), and be careful with her, and monitor her behaviour and activities and general health to try and track her quality of life as best I can, until I feel like she is suffering too much.

I think this is the right decision, I think I have done everything within reason and possibly beyond, but I'm still really really upset. She's 11, which is and isn't old for a dog her size. She'd been very healthy all of her life. She's still eating and everything else about as well as she ever has, she's still a complete and utter sweetheart. I love her very much.

I bought her a very big bone when we got back to town.



( CT scan images under the cut )

So 2019 is upon us.

I'm not super looking forward to going back to work next week, but it does feel like I've had a real break, and I'm glad it's only a three day week ahead of me.

Jola is getting a CT scan next Sunday. She seems fine but the swelling is not getting any better, and is, if anything getting worse. She's on some pain meds that seem to help - I haven't seen her limping much except right in the morning or in the evening before they get refreshed, or if I cave and take her on the too-long walk she demands. She's been a bit more sookie lately, but only for her. However we confirmed over the break that she has been peeing in the basement, generally when she can't get someone to take her out, and are looking for a solution o she can let us know when she needs to go. Probably we'll try the old 'bells on a rope by the door' trick, which she used to know and should be easy enough to go back to.

Maze is okay. I need to take a urine sample to *his* vet at some point soon, but its so friggin *far*. I think my best bet would actually be to walk it down after work some day and then bus home from there. I'll let him out of kitty jail after the tree is down and general Christmas Debris put away. Every time I think I'm doing better with his boxes I find out that I am not, so, uh, I really need to do better. At least (other than the ego table), the other things we thought were him are *not* him. However this means that the toilet in the downstairs bathroom is leaking :p

In non-pet news, I did basically no knitting over the break, even though I'm really pretty close to finishing my shawl and super close to finishing my headband. I *did* do a ton of writing, which was nice. After not really feeling it, I got very into the yuletide spirit when it came time to help the tag-mod team with story checking. I finished my assignment and wrote two treats, and everything seemed pretty well received, with a bunch of comments on everything. I'll do a separate reveals post. I also did noms for chocolate box... I talked to Nary and Longpig and we decided to nom and request a bunch of Diablotin stuff, even though really we'd just be writing for each other if we get matched to it. I'm excited! I should do my signups...

What else, hmm. I'm not really much one for resolutions or anything like that, but I have some general goals. I'd like to write more, and journal more. I want to focus on some more original fiction, but I also just want to make time more consistently for writing. Writing everyday would be great but I'm not sure its reasonable or not. Maybe? Maybe I can start carrying a writing journal and just writing... whatever in it. Release myself form the idea that it needs to be coherent or complete or relevant. Just anything. Maybe I'll use the journal Nary got me for my birthday for that. I started poking at a bigger project yesterday but I have no faith in my own staying power there, so we'll see. It's all good practice, right? I also finished an AW fic I started before yuletide and posted it, which also feels like good momentum.

How are you all, internets world? Any fun projects planned for the new year?

Also, does anyone know any good ways to crosspost form DW to pillowfort yet?

so, since Tumblr is imploding, I thought i would remind myself that this is a place where there are people I like, and I should maybe start engaging here again?

We'll see how it goes. NO promises :x

Work is bananas lately. The museum officially took over the repository on the 1st, so I'm working through a lot of stuff regarding that. Plus we have a big meeting thing next week to prep for, and I have a new volunteer starting, and my job role is still kind of... conflicted in some ways. but that should be cleared up in April. I've been told my contract will definitely be extended, for three years, so that's nice!

I've been super busy... I'm in two tabletop games with a third starting this weekend, plus larp. I've been tryng to make myself do more writing. I have a shawl and my first colourwork project on the go.

My dog has a Large Mysterious Growth (waiting on biopsy results) in/on one of her lymph nodes.

I had to get new wear-all-the-time glasses and then promptly lost them a week later and have since had to buy a new pair.

I've started my Christmas shopping?

I had a great weekend a few weeks ago seeing some scattered friends for a gaming weekend, and we also did se fun Wolfenoot things

Kind of a mixed-bag of life things, all around.

I have eloquent thoughts sometimes,but rarely time/energy to express them. I suppose practice helps. I can make myself write entries fairly regularly, but I can't make them into things anyone is much interested in reading.

Pie party went well! We talked a lot about DILFs I guess, and also swirly porn and whether that's a thing (it is). We ate a respectable amount of pie and ice cream.

Work continues to be something all right. My back continues to be messed up and uncomfortable if not in straight up pain. My dog continues to be awesome (I got to spend some time with her alone in an otherwise dog free area).

I guess things are pretty okay.

So busy! I have so muuuch to get done in the next few days ahhhhh!

And I spent most of my night hand winding a ball of yarn because ???? Reasons.

Also, Jola went to the vet for a check up, and it was not great. She is borderline for kidney disease, and she has arthritis in her hips and spine. So she needs a low protein diet, and fish oil, and love (always). Oh, and a urine test. Fun. My baby dog isn't allowed to be old :( (she's 9). And with blood testing and xrays (at least she doesn't have kidney stones or any tumors) and all her shots and such it was *expensive* to find this all out, too. Pleh.

( Pet pics! )

In other news, I failed at waking up before 10, probably because I didn't get to sleep for well over an hour after I went to bed. I think journaling before bed is probably not my best plan, all told, as it does not help my brain settle. I have found and ripped back my knitting, trimmed Jola's nails (it's an ongoing battle vs entropy to ever try and get them short), and written about 200 words. Rogue One (again!) tonight!

I am making this update for the benefit of earis, because she loves and misses Jola. And I have a ridiculous picture of her to share.

( Jola! )

So, the last time I managed to update was before I left the US.

( Now I'm in Canada, yaaaaay! )