elanya

It's the new year, and I'm trying (again) to journal more regularly. This happens less because of the New Year thing, I think, and more because Yuletide gets me back in a more regular habit of engaging with the journaling world. There's also been buzz from a few corners about people leaving LJ because of the Russian Relocation, so I think more people are paying a bit more attention, which helps. I'll continue to crosspost, I expect, as I have been doing for the past few years.

I'm also stuck in the Holiday Time Limbo, which is worse because I don't have a real job at the moment. But that is bound to change....soon? I have references being checked. I have been told I am the desired candidate for another job if I apply for it. Basically I continue to be in Limbo, but glad to do so in a place physically and socially as well as financially where I can afford it. It is still not my favourite thing. Thursday I will go back to my regular volunteering gig. I could have gone today (I think), but lacked motivation. Anyway. I've been staying up too late and feeling like I'm accomplishing very little.

I'm working on an original story (original Mythos, anyway) for submission to an open call. I'm thinking about signing up for Chocolate Box (or Chocobo, as my sister insists on calling it). I've been doing lazy mindless and practical knitting rather than fixing the slightly more complicated project I messed up (and actually can't find when I did a half-assed search yesterday).

What else.... I got some really awesome mugs for Christmas. Two cheap-but-rad clear skull mugs from my aunt, and a lovingly hand-crafted vagina dentata mug from a friend who had them hand made for a few of us (me, my sister, and Nary, as far as I know). They're things of beauty, I tell you. Mine is red. I will drink from nothing but skulls and vaginas for the rest of my days (well I can dream, right?).

I've been writing things in my notebooks because I have some really pretty journals and I have fountain pens and it seems like a waste not to. Also I have about three on the go and I can probably finish at least one of the off just taking noted for the AU Colonial Call of Cthulhu skype game I'm in. We're trying to stop a serial killer from summoning an ancient god called the Devourer of Millions. I think we at least have figured out who it is now, and just have to do the actual thwarting, hopefully without going any more crazy (hah!) But it is complicated enough that it requires notes, and since it is skype, there are not logs to refer to, so actual note taking is handy. It helps me remember things better, even if I don't look them over. And I've gone all stream of consciousness here. Probably if I journaled more regularly I would be more organized about it (no.)

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Anyway! I did want to do Pay it Forward again this year. I'm lifting it from karanguni who lifted it from someone else. So!

Let's start 2017 off in a positive way with a Pay It Forward meme. The first 6 people to comment (and more if I can manage it) will receive a surprise from me at some point in 2017 - anything from a book, a ticket, something home-grown or made, a postcard, absolutely any surprise! It will happen when the mood comes over me and I find something that I believe would suit you and make you happy.

(If you don't like surprises and would rather have something off a wishlist and/or some warning, let me know in your comment. The goal is to make you happy.)

If you can, post this in your own journal and pay it forward. Let's do more kind and loving things for each other in 2017, without any reason other than to make each other smile and show that we think of each other.

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Also, this reminds me - I've seen people doing Fandom Snowflake, and I've seen people doing various journaling and year end memes. I'm not sure I am that committed, but I am open to suggestions. Is there anything you would like to see me talk about? Want to know more about me? My interests? Pet pictures? drop me a comment for that too, if you like!

...and with that posted, probably I should go to bed!

morbane asked me to talk about an academic interest I haven't talked about before.

I thought about talking about conservations stuff, but probably no one really wants to hear about how I spent a few hours of my day on Friday reading about glue >.>

Instead I think I will talk about my interest in identity, and conceptions of that that means. I don't think it is something I have talked about here before, and certainly not something I have talked about in a while.

I am really interested in how people understand themselves, and to what extent they have a concept of self. Like, I feel like the cultures to which I belong, and this is especially true of online culture, people are sort of obsessed with identity, and knowing and classifying ourselves. We can have different identities that are contextual, and are very self-aware in that regard. I don't think that this is a construction of self or of personhood that is universal, or even one that necessarily has a lot of historical depth. I haven't actually studied this in depth, mind, but I would really like to.

I think that relationships are important to construction of identity, and some of those relationships are personally forged and some of them are socially constructed, and there is a lot of nuance. You can be born into something, which establishes a relationship of some sorts, but the shape of that, and its meaning, doesn't necessarily follow a prescribed path, even if it commonly does. Those relationships might not be something people are always conscious of, and certainly not self-aware of and self-critical of the way people can be today.

My studies of piracy and maritime communities are set up in this framework - can we see how element were important to the construction of a community? Do the things that people have and use mark inclusion in a particular community? The things they eat? Is that demarcation conscious? What can we see about their relationships to the land, and how are those relationships important to their constructions of themselves and individuals, or as a group? When we look for these signs of identity in historic (pr pre-historic) populations, are we reading something that actually existed or are we creating categories based on out own perceptions, and how do we tell the difference? How those differenced matter, and in what context, is really interesting to me, as it can tie in to conceptions and constructions of group history, which tie back to modern identities, which can be very political.

Benedict Anderson talks about Imagined Communities in regard to nationhood (people can belong to a community that can never interact directly, but they imagine what that relationship means along common lines that can still link them together... very short short version), but to some degree I think all communities are imagined. Living in the same place as other people doesn't necessarily make you 'one of them' if you don't meet all the criteria that other people understand (or imagine) that mark inclusion. And the lines are nebulous. There is both an internal and external construction to identity as well, the personal and the external, and they can be very contextual and fluid.

I have a lot of questions about this sort of stuff, and some thoughts about answers, but it is something I would really like to have a chance to think about and research in more depth. There is a lot of material out there that could be pulled togther into more coherent . Other people have studied these things as well - One of the things I would like to try and do this year is get myself to read more academic stuff as opposed to just more fiction, since I seem to be doing okay at making myself read at all lately!

The interim university president, who is only here for about another month, decided to be magnanimous and give us half a day off for Good Friday. On the one hand, I am really not religious, on the other hand -yay, half day!

So, I am home, and have eaten (Subway purchased on my way home because I was lazy) even though it is still half an hour before my usual lunch time, and I am stretched out on the couch, relaxing. The dog isn't home, the cat is staring out the window. I accidentally wore my work cardigan home. I am very comfy.

I should probably put this afternoon, and indeed this weekend, to good use.

I am behind in my staff commitments. I need to do the newsletter and write up some other important emails.

There are always things to do around the house - in particular, cleaning, starting to sort out my stuff for soon-ish moving. Also, I need to fix the downstairs toilet, which should be a Fun Home Plumbing Adventure. Maybe I can tackle that?

And then there is the ever stifling job hunt to deal with. I still haven't heard anything back from my interview - it has been a week since the minimum time in which I could expect to hear back. I can't decide if I should poke them now, or wait until early next week, at which point it will have been a week since the end of the time frame I was given. Probably I will do that because I can put it off a little more >.>

I applied for one job last week... They are thin on the ground at the moment. I also got two rejections on Wednesday, within a few hours of each other, which sucked. On the other hand the letters were nice for what they were and, you know, they did get sent. I got another one a week or so ago? In writing, on very nice paper. anyway, lots of rejections, one uncertain interview... We'll see. I need to keep applying for things, clearly.

At least I got my taxes done last weekend! The refund will be nice - I might use it to go get a little more work done on my arm piece, if I can figure out how to wrangle the travel... It needs a little touch-up/fixing, and then I kind of want another burn incorporated into what's there now. So that would be a painful day.

And returning to the theme of 'what should I work on this afternoon', I have another trope bingo piece I'm working on that shouldn't be tooooo much longer than it is currently, that I'd like to try and get done this weekend. And then I have two more to finish after that. I had ideas, but they'll need to be waaaaaay scaled back. But that should be manageable, at least for one. The other needs more thought.

Anyway - on to staff things, I think. That needs doing for sure.

I spent most of my day helping deinstall an exhibit at work that consisted of Seven stained glass church windows. That meant lifting them, and I somehow volunteered to help with the hardest part of the heavy lifting because I am confident of my strength and like to use it even though I am as out of shape as all get out.

I also slept for crap last night. And I was on my feet in the kitchen cooking Thanksgiving dinner most of the weekend. So I have been completely and utterly useless at work ever since we reverted to doing deskwork. I have read through (kinda) a file and looked over some old entries for typos. Oh, and sent an email.

I have also ordered shoes, because all my current shoes are screwed upa nd hurt my feet.

Tonight I am going to maybe the drugstore and definitely the pet store and then I will have delicious leftovers and maybe clean the tub and have a bath, and then I am going to sleep alllllllllllll the sleep. I wonder if bed by 10 is feasible, and if it will just result in waking up again at 2 am and not getting back to sleep, again, until 4...

Oy, and I just remembered the mountain of dishes awaiting me as well. And I'll have to go pick up Jola at some point, won't I

Maybe the first thing I need to do when I get home is nap :p, then figure out the rest (pun unintentional, but always welcome).

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving :)

I will go back and fill in that last post, really I will. Hopefully sometime this weekend!

I am going home to visit my dad and his wife (who I like fine but it still seems off to refer to as my step mother as they only married after I was no longer living at home), and see my sister and my nephews. I leave next Friday and (but really I don't get in until 11 pm -_-), and then I get back the following Wednesday evening. Fun times ahead! I have only been to my dad's place once, a few years ago, when it was a recent acquisition. It was the middle of the winter then as well.Now a lot of the repairs and renovations are complete, and it will be summer, so I can take more advantage of the fact that they live right on the river. You can walk into the river from their lawn. They have several kayaks and (I think) a canoe as well. There may even be fishing involved. It's gonna be amazing.

But since I'm leaving on Friday it means I need to start getting stuff ready now, so I'm not trying to rush through things in the evenings! I'm doing laundry now with an eye towards being able to at least set stuff aside, if not actively start packing. It is also making grocery shopping a bit weird - mind it has already been weird this month for other reasons. But weirder, let's say. I need to pick up a few things on Monday that will hopefully just get me through until Friday morning.

I also have one big thing on my plate, which is a book review for SHA! I keep forgetting hoe long it needs to be - I should go check gain. Either 500 or 1000 words (I'm preeetty sure 500). I have it started, and I'm hoping to get it mostly knocked out today, and then have some time to get it polished up. Plus there has been some movement on the pirate book I submitted an article for ages ago - it will be nice to finally get some material from my first (Sheffield) MA published!

Other than that, I have some drabbles to finish up, and god frickin damnit I need to get the stitches picked up to do the neck edging on firelight. I just can't get it even and it makes me want to burn the whole thing, argh. I don't know why I have such trouble with this - it was the same on ease :( I'm afraid it is going to look awful because I've had to undo it so many times. It shouldn't be fucking rocket science. And yet -_- I should just stay away from patterns where I need to pick things up I guess :p

I have been playing in a tabletop game with some of my local friends since about..... January? It's a really good group, and while the system isn't perfect, we are a flexible bunch, so it is all going quite well. The system in question is Scion, by White Wolf, where you play the children of the gods fighting evil titans and their spawn in the modern era.

Anyway, because we are, as I said, a flexible group, our GMly overlord allows those of us with stories in mind to take over for shorts arcs to run them! And that is what I am doing now :) I haven't run any kind of game in a really long time, and this is making me remember the sorts of things I really enjoy about it - creating engaging NPCs, figuring out how to make people involved and interested, coming up with good connections between people and events, letting PCs do things that I know will trip me up and trying to figure out of to keep control of the story without railroading things, and so on...

I ran the second part last night - in theory the story could have played out in a single session, but in practice it is going to take three. Which is cool - people seem to be enjoying themselves, and I know I sure am! I think I have done a good job so far at getting people engaged with what is going on - interested in the characters (some more than others, heh heh heh), curious and concerned about things that are going on around them, having a lot of pieces of the puzzle, so to speak, but still not knowing exactly what is going on. There are many many different ways that things could play out at this point - I've got two weeks to plan for some of the more obvious ones, but who can say what will happen! I know what I'd like to see, but whether or not it will be the most logical outcome is a different matter

The energy and excitement I feel as a GM are somewhat different from those I feel as a player, though I appreciate them both. Thre is more control as a GM, because I know what is going on, and I can watch the players figure things out, and when they gets things right, and when they get them wrong, and take satisfaction when they do what i want them to - and when they don't, it is a creative challenge in its own right that I enjoy facing, for the most part. As a PC, the joy is more in the discovery, in that sense. relationships - not necessarily the romantic kind - are important to me in both roles though. It like to create interesting connections, which I may have said above, but that means exploring the dynamics of friendships and rivalries and vendettas, and all kinds of other things. When I ran my first game, waaay back in the day, I used to make charts to keep track of who knew who, and how. For me, gaming is much more about developing character and story than killing things (although killing things can be a great way to do both those things :) It is a creatively inspiring energy - I personally find a lot of similarities between creative writing and gaming, with the latter being more dynamic, where you have other people, and also pre-established (to some extent) setting and rules to help guide and tell your story. I used to do a lot of collaborative writing when I was involved with different writing groups online, and maybe it is similar to that. Having other people around to feed off in a creative process is helpful to me - its why I like to talk about things I am writing (....when I am writing - and that goes for fiction *and* non-fiction), or why I like to talk about games I am in, or am running. I like having the sounding board, and having people to help me point out things I could do better, or listen to my explanations of things and tell me if they seem interesting, or what have you.

In both cases, it is easier to maintain with a good group, and I'm lucky in that for pretty much all the games I am involved in. This is making me wish I had time to run something regularly, but realistically, even if I dropped one or two other things, the prep time I'd need to invest on a regular basis is time I should be spending on other things - much like how I should be spending time on things that are not blathering on about gaming on livejournal ;p

I wanted to write something coherent, but I think I am desperately failing! So, instead I am going to sign off here and get my ass in gear for the day, but with a big thanks to all my fellow players and all my fellow storytellers in all my various games - much love for all of you :)