elanya

I wrote a reveals post for Chocolate box. I was INCREDIBLY spoiled!

In other news, I am "finished" the shawl I was working on in the sense that it needs blocking and washing and end weaving and I have no idea when I'll have a chance to do any of that. I've started a new shawl that I got the yarn and pattern for like a yer and a half or more ago, and I'm loving it! I also cast on some socks for bus knitting.

I've come to the conclusion and also come to terms with the fact that as much as I love my Karbonz needles, they are really hard on my hand. The rigidity and texture of the carbon fiber is nice in some ways, but I wind up holding all the tension in my fingers and after a while they ache. Wood or bamboo too better at absorbing the energy, so I don't have the same trouble. I'm slowly replacing all my dpns and circs, but I'm sad about it. OTOH painless knitting is definitely worth it.

Jola is doing okay - thanks to everyone who left comments on my post a while back, I appreciated your kind words <3. She doesn't like the cold overly much, so that's not helping. Today was a little warmer and she practically ran out of the house and wanted a much longer walk than she has been having lately. I think he mass had another small growth spurt a while ago, and she is on NSAIDs now instead of what she was on before, but otherwise shes been stable. I go back and forth on how long I think she's got.

Work is still busy but while there isn't really less to do, and my new contract is actually going to have a lot more responsibility on paper, but I am not feeling constantly overwhelmed. I'm getting into the swing of things and the new normal. Having things be less up in the air has been really helpful. I'm feeling much less pulled in different directions and I'm happy to see things moving forward.

So, Back in November - on Woolfenoot, to be precise - I noticed that my dog, Jola, had developed what seemed to be a large swelling on her right chest. I took her to the emergency vet, thinking she'd hurt herself some how and was just swollen, or that it was a fluid edema, or something. It was not.

At my home vet, they did a fine needle aspiration, then a real punch biopsy, and blood tests, none of which were at all conclusive. They did radiography, x-rays to start, where they thought it was maybe her heart (though I am still not clear why they were looking there...), and then a CT scan which showed the large mass to probably be a sarcoma. Well encapsulated towards her head, but with "stranding" where it led further back towards her tail. They didn't see any metastasizing in her lungs at least. The differential diagnosis from the CT scan, from the radiologist was a sarcoma.

Today I went to the Animal Cancer Center at the University of Guelph to meet with member of their oncology team, to talk about where we are, what is left to learn, and options on where to go next.

Thy think it is probably a sarcoma, but can't confirm that without further tests - specifically it would require another histology test from a biopsy taken with ultrasound (to make sure they are getting a good sample) to determine what kind/level of aggressiveness. They would also want to do an ultrasound of her abdomen to make sure that she doesn't have another issue already that would make treatment of this mass pointless. I think the CT scan actually covers all the area they'd want to look at, but they hadn't received it before the appointment because of some communication issues with my vet (they don't have the CT, they don't have the software to look at it, so they sent the Cancer Clinic to the radiology peeps). I actually have the CT scan, because we have the MicroCT at work (at least physically) and very definitely do have the software to look at DICOM stacks, so I have some images, and was able to show them to the resident on my phone at least. I am not going to pay $1300 for radiography and not insist on a copy :p

Anyway. Those tests (plus a urine tests to make sure her kidneys are okay for NSAIDS) are the very next steps they would do, to identify the sarcoma, and then it would be surgery, and then a regimen of radiation therapy. All of this would need to happen at Guelph. It would be a major surgery and she might lose her leg. She would have to be sedate for every treatment, and complications could arise from it and she would be very sick, and it would have to cover a large area. I would have to take time away from work to get someone else to drive me and her to a city an hour and a half away for each treatment and test. And then at best she'd go into remission, Oh and also it would run around $10,000 for the surgery and radiation. One without the other would not be effective - without radiation it would come back, and considering how quickly it has grown this time, it could happen very quickly, and she would have gone through a very complicated major surgery for nothing.

So, I am not doing any of that. I decided that at this point, I will do my best to manage her quality of life. I will keep her on pain killers (and do the urine test to see if I can add NSAIDS to the mix), and be careful with her, and monitor her behaviour and activities and general health to try and track her quality of life as best I can, until I feel like she is suffering too much.

I think this is the right decision, I think I have done everything within reason and possibly beyond, but I'm still really really upset. She's 11, which is and isn't old for a dog her size. She'd been very healthy all of her life. She's still eating and everything else about as well as she ever has, she's still a complete and utter sweetheart. I love her very much.

I bought her a very big bone when we got back to town.



( CT scan images under the cut )

So 2019 is upon us.

I'm not super looking forward to going back to work next week, but it does feel like I've had a real break, and I'm glad it's only a three day week ahead of me.

Jola is getting a CT scan next Sunday. She seems fine but the swelling is not getting any better, and is, if anything getting worse. She's on some pain meds that seem to help - I haven't seen her limping much except right in the morning or in the evening before they get refreshed, or if I cave and take her on the too-long walk she demands. She's been a bit more sookie lately, but only for her. However we confirmed over the break that she has been peeing in the basement, generally when she can't get someone to take her out, and are looking for a solution o she can let us know when she needs to go. Probably we'll try the old 'bells on a rope by the door' trick, which she used to know and should be easy enough to go back to.

Maze is okay. I need to take a urine sample to *his* vet at some point soon, but its so friggin *far*. I think my best bet would actually be to walk it down after work some day and then bus home from there. I'll let him out of kitty jail after the tree is down and general Christmas Debris put away. Every time I think I'm doing better with his boxes I find out that I am not, so, uh, I really need to do better. At least (other than the ego table), the other things we thought were him are *not* him. However this means that the toilet in the downstairs bathroom is leaking :p

In non-pet news, I did basically no knitting over the break, even though I'm really pretty close to finishing my shawl and super close to finishing my headband. I *did* do a ton of writing, which was nice. After not really feeling it, I got very into the yuletide spirit when it came time to help the tag-mod team with story checking. I finished my assignment and wrote two treats, and everything seemed pretty well received, with a bunch of comments on everything. I'll do a separate reveals post. I also did noms for chocolate box... I talked to Nary and Longpig and we decided to nom and request a bunch of Diablotin stuff, even though really we'd just be writing for each other if we get matched to it. I'm excited! I should do my signups...

What else, hmm. I'm not really much one for resolutions or anything like that, but I have some general goals. I'd like to write more, and journal more. I want to focus on some more original fiction, but I also just want to make time more consistently for writing. Writing everyday would be great but I'm not sure its reasonable or not. Maybe? Maybe I can start carrying a writing journal and just writing... whatever in it. Release myself form the idea that it needs to be coherent or complete or relevant. Just anything. Maybe I'll use the journal Nary got me for my birthday for that. I started poking at a bigger project yesterday but I have no faith in my own staying power there, so we'll see. It's all good practice, right? I also finished an AW fic I started before yuletide and posted it, which also feels like good momentum.

How are you all, internets world? Any fun projects planned for the new year?

Also, does anyone know any good ways to crosspost form DW to pillowfort yet?

so, since Tumblr is imploding, I thought i would remind myself that this is a place where there are people I like, and I should maybe start engaging here again?

We'll see how it goes. NO promises :x

Work is bananas lately. The museum officially took over the repository on the 1st, so I'm working through a lot of stuff regarding that. Plus we have a big meeting thing next week to prep for, and I have a new volunteer starting, and my job role is still kind of... conflicted in some ways. but that should be cleared up in April. I've been told my contract will definitely be extended, for three years, so that's nice!

I've been super busy... I'm in two tabletop games with a third starting this weekend, plus larp. I've been tryng to make myself do more writing. I have a shawl and my first colourwork project on the go.

My dog has a Large Mysterious Growth (waiting on biopsy results) in/on one of her lymph nodes.

I had to get new wear-all-the-time glasses and then promptly lost them a week later and have since had to buy a new pair.

I've started my Christmas shopping?

I had a great weekend a few weeks ago seeing some scattered friends for a gaming weekend, and we also did se fun Wolfenoot things

Kind of a mixed-bag of life things, all around.

I'm on mobile so this will be a mess.

I'm visiting college station and I just had a stress dream so bad that I woke up crying.

Do I have issues with my PhD experience? Gosh maybe.

The dream was very much inspired by reality but with heavily fantastical elements. I wasn't really me at all, I was a character, but that character's experience was similar to mine, especially on an emotional level.

As part of this program, we were supposed to make a dinner for the faculty to express ourselves in some way. I'm not sure what they expected - that was part of the problem. No one had really explained this to me. There was one person who went before me (who was an amalgamation of real school and LARP people I know. She put on this bug feast aytslked about the meanings of all the dishes as metaphors and I left to sulk and freak out because even if I had ideas and understood the expectations, I had no time to prepare because I was so busy. I'm leaving out some of the cool background fantasy things, like the moose and dragon wars, and the setting, but there were a lot of background politics about everything going on in the background too.

Eventually I went home to see my parents, and my mom (not my actual mom, clearly) and dad (who were divorced in this dream even if they weren't my real life parents) didn't have any good ideas or help anyway. Like many real-life situations where someone who doesn't really have the full context is trying to help but their suggestions just aren't practical. One if them suggested that I take the faculty out to the woodlot that my dad (my actual dad) owns and talk about that, for example, but that would have entailed getting them out there and still serving them dinner, and I didn't feel like the hike would have gone over well when what they really wanted was for students to suck up to them with food.

Some of the faculty were real people too, proffs from my last two degrees, haaa.

My parents essentially told me they couldn't think of anything either. My dream-parents (and it was my dream-parents who delivered this) didn't think I was interesting enough to have anything to express to these people.

Waking-up but still semi dreaming me decided that the best solution was just to serve them plain ramen, and to tell them that what they got out if me entirely related to what they put in, and so this is what they got. Maybe I would have things they could put in it with me and they could try and earn it, but this was basically a protest anyway, because is was an absurd expectation.

Anyway, it was stressful and upsetting and I do think that the fact that I'm in CS is related. Ugh.

However real life me doesn't have any plans to spend any time with my department other than my friend Megan, who I saw last night and is really the sole reason I came to town.

Hello internets! I live!

I was going to just pop in to do an update about how Jukebox went (wonderfully), but I realized I probably have other things to day as well.

But I'll start with jukebox. I got THREE GIFTS :D And all were really excellent and well tailored to my likes and interests :3 Two written pieces and one art (by someone who I think must have done art for literally everyone who asked for it, not near enough o_O).

In no particular order (they really are all excellent):
Two Point Five Megabytes Across A Quarter Million Miles (617 words) by AlexSeanchai
Chapters: 2/2
Fandom: 250000 Miles - Patty Griffin (Song)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Additional Tags: Near Future, Science Fiction, Implied/Referenced Homophobia
Summary:

SEEKING ADVENTURE? ROMANCE? THE GREAT UNKNOWN?

The American Tau Ceti Company seeks venturers to Lán Hǎi!

The Kǎilíng sets sail from East Tsukishi Port on 30 June 2047—be aboard!

This has Complicated Family stuff that is both painful and liberating. I really enjoyed the perspectives offered in the two chapters, though my sympathy lies with the second.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (6 words) by AlTheAlchemist
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Culling of the Fold - The Decemberists (Song)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Additional Tags: Blood, Art
I just love this. Best title. Whelp, someone's got to do it :x

His White Hause-Bane (2369 words) by Edonohana
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Twa Corbies (Traditional Song)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary:

I rode to the castle, thinking to ask for directions to put me on my way and hoping for an invitation to dine with the lord and spend the night, for the day was very cold. Perhaps it was my hopeful thoughts of mead and hot meat that distracted me, or perhaps it was something else. But I had dismounted before I realized that there was something strange about the place, and was almost at the doors before I knew what it was.

There was nothing else in sight. No other homes, no fields, no orchards. Nothing but the castle, rising from the mud like a great white tooth.

This is just a really wonderful take on the song, and a nice creepy faery tale to boot.

As for things I wrote, one full length fic for my assignment, and then three drabbles as treats, both of which seem better received. Such is a writer's life!

Traps for Troubadours (3459 words) by Measured_Words
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Sympathy for the Devil - The Rolling Stones (Song)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Original Characters
Additional Tags: Music, Musicians, Band Break Up, Partying, Crossroads Deals & Demons
Summary:

We have a chance to make it big.

"What will you do to make it happen?" Kana asks me.

I don't think she's going to like the answer.

Crusade (100 words) by Precisely_Measured_Words
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Blood Under the Bridge - Frightened Rabbit (Song)
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Original Characters
Additional Tags: Trauma, Crusades, Drabble, Good versus Evil
Summary:

Empathy can be a fleeting thing, and comfort hard to find.

Undermine (100 words) by Precisely_Measured_Words
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Build That Wall (Zia's Theme) - Darren Korb (Song)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Original Characters
Additional Tags: Insurrection, Conspiracy, Construction, Drabble
Summary:

There's more than one way around a barrier.

Vows (100 words) by Precisely_Measured_Words
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Rusalka Rusalka / Wild Rushes - The Decemberists (Song)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Relationships: Original Male Character/Rusalka
Characters: Original Male Character(s), Rusalka (Rusalka Rusalka)
Additional Tags: Marriage, Sea Monsters, Regret, Curses, Horror, Drabble, Canonical Character Death
Summary:

To have and to hold...

As for other things to natter about... I finished a couple of pairs of socks a few weeks ago, and now have only one real project on the go. I started some handwarmers at larp but I was doing them on the fly and don't really know if I want to finish them or not. I've been reading on the bus, too, so I haven't really started anything new, just working on the one shawl. I did start a new long-term weaving project, which someday will be a scrap blanket. I wove one strip basically in an afternoon after I got the loom warped, but what will take longer is amassing the scraps! Gotta knit more socks I guess, oh well :V

Speaking of things ending, Diablotin 3, which we started playing in October 2014, ended last Sunday. I'm gonna miss it for sure, though there has been some talk of another game to replace it, and the eventuality of Diablotin 4 in another year or so, or in a few years... we;ll see :3 Meanwhile I still have Fuck Squad and YOAW and Larp! SO basically I ca't really complain even though I haven't really quite accepted that its done ;_; My Character had a pretty good ending - she got married, she works for the emperor, and she got to take down the final boss with a ridiculous amount of damage. She's got a better relationship with her family, who are all themselves doing better, with the exception of her sister who got stuck as the guardian to a semi-sentient extra-dimensional gate. But it's only for a few years, and we can visit :3 It was at least a good and satisfying ending, if it had to end ;_;

I feel like I had other nattering to do but I can't remember what, and I wanted to start working on my fic for the Throk Zine (Scorpius!), so I think I might go grab a snack and do that.

Remember when I used to scramble last minute before midnight to try and make a daily post? Let's try something like that because I feel out of touch.

Work is entering a phase of being bananas that is likely to last quite a long time. We just got in a collection of about 2000 boxes (may not refer to actual boxes), many of which need to be repackaged/rehoused pronto, including/especially some of the boxes that didn't quite make it through the move. Amazingly, the move was finished before about 3:00 today, having started at 8:30. I actually had the easy part, overseeing things leaving the other facility, as opposed to the stuff coming in on our side. But everything about the collections is My Job, or my job to organize (I don't have to physically do it, thank goodness), and that's on top of my regular work. Fortunately I seem to have a decent amount of help at the moment! but there a bunch of other stuff going down along side it too that makes it all extra cray cray.

I went to a Pi Day Pie Party tonight! I made my poison pie (chocolate almond cayenne), which I managed to make totally gluten free! I made an almond flour crust which turned out really nicely, and I subbed 2 tbsp of cornstarch for the flour in the filling, and used a non-glutenous chocolate. A piece was saved for someone who wasn't able to make it and I hope it doesn't kill her! It needed more cayenne, though :(

What else what else... Games continue to all be awesome! I have been reposting my GM's game writeups on my tumblr for pathfinder under "the fuck squad" as a tag. My other games are all online text ones and the logs are on the rocksfall wiki. The sessions are all broken up into scenes and there are summaries for each, if ever anyone was curious.

I've been having issues with my hands lately so I haven't been doing too much crafting. I did a little weaving to use up some stash yarn and made a dish towel and cloth, but they wound up narrow. I've been working on the same pair of basic socks for ages because I keep having to take breaks. And I'm still working on Skara Brae... But it is coming along pretty well now that I am giving it attention again! And I'm just about to start the gusset on my second sock, so really they are almost done. I already have a next sock pattern lined up too...

I think that's basically my life? It is march break and Wererogue's mum is up visiting for a few weeks so I am having to adjust to having an extra person around, though she is't staying with us. I mostly see her in the evenings. I think Longpig is pretty thoroughly DONE though. Two more days - you can make it!

I made my reveals post over on my writing journal.

Nary is here again this weekend for more of her bookbinding course, and we have another out-of-town friend visiting as well, so it has been busy here! I did manage to get signed up for Space Swap at the last minute, and then it will be Jukebox, probably, so I guess we'll see if I get anything else written.

I did a little drabble for the tumblr Sexus Mini Event thing too, so hurrah! I have a lot of vague ideas for things to write but little enough actual motivation, for whatever reason. I finished off a couple of knitting projects though, including the Valentines Rattes for Nary, and most of two weaving Things. And then I have socks on the go and my Skara Brae shawlette, still. And the LARP socks which may not get finished before it is really unfeasible to wear them, but we'll see. I do have an event next Saturday, and its an indoor thing, so maybe lots of knitting? I plan to finish the rest of the weaving thing soon, but I'm into a knitted part of it and the needles are so big they're hurting my hands. Also the weather is not helping, and also I fell on my hands when taking the dog out at 5:30 this am, so there's a lot of things working against me :p One of the doggos is having some intestinal distress because she makes poor choices. She's been to the vet now, though, so hopefully she'll start to get better.

So I was having a restless day. I am between stories and didn't want to spend all weekend sitting in front of the computer. Longpig and Wererogue were going out to a kid birthday party with the smalls, and while I often appreciate having the house to myself, that isn't what I was after today. So I decided I would try and go out

I posted on facebook and considered suggestions there and from Nary to go for a walk somewhere, but ultimately decided that Id already taken the dogs for a long walk, and I didn't know what condition any of the in-town trails were like, and it was cold and snowy and windy. Another friend said I should come out and see her at her monthly tarot gig near one of the farmers' markets in town, and that's what I opted to do. I went to the market first and bought Too Many Treats, then went to check out the used bookshop where she was. She was with another client, and I realized I was going to need cash, so I went off in search of the nearest bank machine. Which wasn't too far, and it was a chance to walk around town in an area I'm not in much. I realized I was just down the street from a taco shop I've been meaning to try, and put that on my mental list.

Once I got back from the bank, my friend was free, so I did a reading. The first part was very much the part of Tarot where it is a matter of perspective to tell you things that, really, you already know. The second part was really way out in left field. I mean you never know what can happen, I guess! After that - tacos! They were really good, with nice soft corn tortillas (the best way imho). After that - home!

I dug out my own highly neglected tarot deck when I got home and did some spreads for myself on that second issue which made more sense, and then because I am a nerd I did spreads for some of my gaming character. One of them got a reading where the four 'cross' points of the celtic cross spread were all reversed major arcana, so that was interesting :V Good luck with life there, Xan :V

During that Wererogue brought pizza to my room, like some kind of stealth pizza delivery. And then later he was in the kids room on which someone had taped a 'keep out' note so I don't know what kind of shenanigans are going on with the smalls, but clearly something!

I took the dogs out for their walk, and it is snowing harder. I actually really like walking outside in the winter when it is snowing, when I'm prepared for it, so it was really nice. There is something magically nostalgic about orange sodium light form streetlight on fresh snow! Also, I'm hoping that it will snow enough that I can maybe take my snowshoes out for a test in the field across the street, and thus justifying the money I spent on them ;p And hey if it keeps snowing I can maybe use them for their intended purpose and use them to get in to work when the trails aren't broken and I don't feel like slogging through deeper snow :3

Written last night...tfw when you are too tired to actually hit 'post' but your tab saves your entry for you :V

Today was a weird day - I wasn't at my regular work, and got to mess around with a bunch of collections stuff in preparation for a huuuuuge transfer! Which is closer and closer to happening. My hands are all scratched up though. But it meant leaving home later and also getting home earlier, but a lot of moving stuff around in between.

I feel like I was going to talk about something specific, but now I forget. This is why I never write entries unless they are mundane' this was my day!' sorts of things.

All my games continue to be awesome. I am getting a character portrait commissioned for Korivan, who is my cannibal hobgoblin, and I've got the sketch now and I'm super excited for it! I really liked the artist's style (zuzaarti on tumblr), and I found them by looking for other D&D character commissions >.>

I think I am done my chocolate box fic! I had to remind myself that it is a relationship exchange and does not actually *require* smut ;p I think my fic is different from the prompts but also it hit a looot of their likes so I hope they enjoy it!

Uh, uh uh... what else. I bought snow shoes and then all the snows went away and have not come back in sufficient quantity to shoe in :(so we'll see whether that was a reasonable purchase or not :V

What else, what else.... Maze has been out and about around the house more often, and Sierra is.. growing more accustomed anyway. It means he's been engaging in typical kitty shenanigans like destroying baked goods and trying to drink mouthwash and such. People here have not been prepared to *actually* live with a cat, so that's been fun! I'm also out of the habit, so it's an adjustment all around.

Annnnnd....I guess that's all for now :3 Bed time!