It all started with ( This Image )

( And then this ensued.... )

Zorm day comes but thrice a year - it is the Day After Candy Sale Holiday. It is celebrated after Valentine's Day, Easter, and Hallowe'en.

Zorm is the sound one makes when one wishes to be given candy. repetition of the word is often combined with the action known as "grabby hands". This action is not typically successful, but it is tradition within certain narrow cultural circles nonetheless.

Zorms are, of course, candy. Zorm day is all about candy.

Building up the mythology of Zorm Day has psychological merit, in that it provides justification for the acquisition of large candy and chocolate hordes. It also justifies the efforts one might go to acquire such a horde.

This year, Post-Valentine's Zorm Day fell on a Saturday. I took Jola on a Very Long Walk to get to the Walgreens on Texas Avenue, which is the great Zorm Mecca. They have the best deals on leftover candy - everything goes on 50% straight off (hisses at Target), and they have a pretty good selection (hisses at HEB). Kroger was also pretty good when I lived closer to it, but it is quite a way out of the way for me now. Although that said it is only a few blocks away from the Wallgreens, I suppose. But anyway! I walked about 2.5 miles just to get some candy, ayup. ZORM DAY!

Today, of course, is Post-Easter Zorm day. I worked, but had hopes there would still be some zormable zorms! I also had a bunch of errands I needed to run - pick up Jola's county tag and her frontline, get some groceries and my acid reflux meds which I have been out of for almost a week now, ugh.

Clearly, fitting in a trip to Zorm Mecca was going to be worth the extra effort, even though it is about 3-4 blocks out of my way, considering that the vet is a block away from the grocery store (and its inferior zorms). I considered and reconsidered my route, and eventually decided to do a short circuit - vet, Wallgreens, HEB. With bus at either end and about a block walk home at the very end. This worked out pretty well - knowing that I was planning a zormspedition, I brought a pair of shorts to wear for the walk rather than the skirt I'd worn to work (because thigh chafe ;_;). I got off a stop later than I really should have for the vet and had to back track a bit, but everything else was fine. I got so many zorms - I'm well stocked for a while. I can also report that both Wallgreens and HEB have a crapton of Cadbury's Cream Eggs. I only got two - one for me and one for tethys123 - but Walgreens had one box full, and HEB (which had basically nothing else) had like three. I think this was about 1.5 miles, all told, but some of that was carrying shit, so that counts for more right? :V Anyway, it was not even 6 when I got to HEB, which I think is pretty impressive considering the bis didn't leave campus until about 5:07. I got home closer to 7, maybe around 6:45? But that was time shopping but waiting for the bus.

Most of my zorm haul is Russel Stover eggs of various kinds (the beeeest), plus the big cream eggs, two packages of the little cream eggs, some chocolate bunnies, a big bag of filled eggs. My biggest disappointments, in order was that I didn't score any: mini eggs (which were hard to find before easter too!), raspberry RS eggs, coconut RS eggs. Weh! I also finally got myself a new pair of sunglasses. Hopefully I won't lose or break these ones, or accidentally leave them in a other country :V

The zorms should last me quite a while - fear not, they are not for immediate consumption. And if properly requested, they may even be shared!

I am dog sitting for my friend tethys123. This means there are 3 dogs in my house, plus the cat. Although it is really 2 1/2 dogs, because the 7 lb Pomeranian that is half fluff (Samson) doesn't count as a full real dog. The other one is a long haired mutt names Milo, who is super sweet and cuddly and loves people and attention.

My house is a two story condo. Samson can't really go upstairs by himself because he is tiny and has bad knees (because Pomeranian - its a breed thing). So he mostly stays downstairs, and I bring him upstairs with me at night because he likes to sleep under my bed. Milo sleeps in his kennel. Before last night, he'd never been upstairs.

Last night, I forgot that he sleeps in his kennel juuust long enough to coax him to come up stairs. With great trepidation, he crawled up, lured by the promise of pettings. Of course once he was up there, I remembered that no he can;t sleep in my bedroom, he is supposed to be in his kennel. This was probably at about 11:10?

So I had to coax him downstairs. The poor thing was terrified. He would come down to the landing, which is only one step. There is a back deck at his home that has maybe three nice wide stairs out to the lawn. This is a longer staircase, and about as steep as your average interior house stairs. He was sooo scared! I tried to coax him with pettings, and with treats, and he would just run back away as far as he could get and cower. I had to close all the doors upstairs so that he wouldn't try and hide in there. He would get down the first step and then just couldn't figure it out from there. I tried and tried to coax him..

You can imagine, I expect, how this ended - with me carrying a 50-ish lb dog down a flight of carpeted stairs at 11:36 at night.

*Sigh* Dogs.

Another Nassau Gazette entry for you, this time from the week of Jan 15-22, 1795! And about PIRATES!

ALSO it is finally fucking raining, yesss*! We'be had less than an inch since February, and we usually get *downpours* in the spring!

*yes somewhat qualified by the certainty that I have windows left open at home -_-

Anyway, you don't care about that, you are here for the ( PIRATES! )

I am going through 1784 papers form the Bahamas, and one of the things I am looking at are sale adds, to see what kinds of goods they could get 9at least in Nassau) and where they were from.

Some of the lists are pretty random, so here is one add, recopied in its entirely for your entertainment. I like the last few entries especially ^-^
The spelling and capitalization are as they appear, and I preserve the formatting of the original, more or less :p

JUST IMPORTED
in the Ship SALLY, Capt. Crosskill, from LONDON,
and to be Sold by
JEREMIAH TINKER
For Cash, Bills of Exchange, Cotton, Lignumvitae, Braziletto, Mahogany, Fustick and Ebony
Old Red Port by the Cask, Hamper or Dozen
Lisbon ditto in Hampers
An Assortment of Cutlery
Ditto of Turnery
Ditto of Ship Chandlery
Iron-Mongery
Dry Goods, consisting of a variety of superfine Broad Cloths, air balloon colours
Clouded Cottons and Cashmires
Men’s, Womens and Childrens Shoes
An Assortment of Buttons, with Trimmings [and?] Cloths
Paints, Linseed Oil, fine Sallad ditto
Walnuts, Anchovies, Capers, Onions, [G????], Mangoes
Vinegar by the Hogshead or half Hogshead
Mustard, perfumery
Cordage from 7 to 9 Thread Rattling
Candles per Box
Hats, black and white, Ladies Air Balloon [it’s a kind of hat -_-]
An Assortment of Nails, Queen’s Ware
Casavah barley, Split Pease, Butter b[eans?]
Quadrants, Spy Glasses
Whale Harpoons, lances, &c, &c.

Good morning, gentlecats.

I here present to you my recipe for Human Stew. This is, I must admit, a work in process, yet i feel I have come quite close to perfecting a recipe for broth. And of course, as all chefs know, have the pleasure is in the creation.

Ingredients:
1 human - the selection of a proper human is a matter of personal taste for each feline, but there are guides available elsewhere for those who lack the certainty and assertiveness to forward a proper claim.
1 large tub of very hot water
Seasonings to taste. In this case I selected Avon's Vanilla Cream foaming marinade, which adds a mild flavour to the broth. The trick is not to select anything that will overpower the natural flavour of your human.

Allow the human to fill the tub with near scalding watter, as hot as it can tolerate. Add the marinade of your choice at the time so that it has the opportunity to properly dissolve. The human will control this process, and it is important to supervise as they have a tendency to add too much. This behaviour can be corrected easily by a quick swat with your paw. Use claws if necessary - it is important that they understand who dominates the relationship. if they do manage to add too much flavour, this can be compensated for in a later stage. The quality of the water itself will also determine how much marinade it is necessary to add. Be sure to taste the water from the tap, and in the tub, to determine the optimum amount to add. If necessary you can also taste the human to gauge how the flavours will mix.

Allow the human to slowly enter the water. I encourage you to consider adding the human before the tub is full, as they can tolerate a higher temperature of water if it is added gradually. Heat is important for a proper stew.

Once the human is added to the tub, it should attempt t submerse itself of its own accord. Supervision is key here as well, as is regular tastng of the water (the paw-dipping method if excellent for this) and the human. A well trained human should allow you to taste it at regular intervals. Licking of the hands and exposed extremities is generally sufficient, but an occasional bite to check flavour penetration may be in order.

It is acceptable, and indeed desirable to allow the human to refresh the water when it begins to cool. You may allow them to add further marinate at ths stage, butif the broth has been over flavoured, do not permit it. again, use of claws may be in order. You can encourage the human to remain in he tub longer by providing refreshments, such as tea, and entertainment such as music and books. Candles can also provide an encouraging stewing atmosphere, but be careful to allow them to place them in locations that could become dangerous to yourself. Scented candles may interfere with the enjoyment of a properly flavoured broth, but careful pairing of scent and flavour can produce an enhanced experience. The confident chef can experiment to find combinations optimized to their own palate. In this instance, I paired the vanilla marinade with a pleasant scented cranberry blood-orange tea, which I was careful to sample myself. I also provided a book, in this case a historical text relevant to the human's interest, so that it could feel relaxed and productive, and not poison the experience with guilt unrelated to improper feline servitude. This encouraged the human to marinate longer than might have otherwise been the case.

The best opportunity to enjoy your broth and marinated human will be when they are still in the tub. Be sure to stay and supervise and make the most of your sampling efforts. Some humans can be encouraged to add further flavour to the broth by scraping the other layer of flesh. Only to allow this after you have licked your fill, but be sure to sample the broth at this point. I don't believe you could be disappointed!

Ideally, after a proper marinate, the human will be fit for consumption, and you may make the attempt. Starting with the feet is traditional. Unfortunately, most humans will at this point use their superior size and strength to defy the desire of their feline masters. Their nudity will make them more susceptible to the application of claws, but take care! I have heard of unfortunate cases where a malicious human has managed to turn the table on their feline master and upended the poor feline into the stew.

If your human escapes devouring, or if you plan to retain them for the creation of further stews and the performance of other servile tasks, it is important to re-stake your claim, as the marinate may have removed previous scent marks. You may begin my licking off excess broth to aid in the drying process. After they are dry, remark the legs by winding and rubbing. The human may be allowed to assist by granting them petting and head scritch priveldges prior to the application of lotions to the skin. The feline scent on the hands will then be spread across the body, reinforcing proper scent-claims.

I hope you will have found the stewing guide of use - constructive commentary and due praise is accepted in the comment section below. Trolls and other detractors can expect to be flayed alive.

Yours,

Maze, Lord Grey.

"I'll tell you who he is," said Palermo, in a low, subtle voice that made Macklin stare. "I'll tell you who he is. They call him"— the speaker paused impressively—"The Shadow!"

"The Shadow!" Macklin's eyes were wide.

"The Shadow," repeated Palermo impressively.

For all me Brits.