elanya

This morning's Facebook memory was that my graduation was three years ago today. I still have mixed feelings about my degree and I'm not sure I'll ever get over them.

I got back Sunday night from visiting family out east - it was really nice, and even the two day drive both ways with the nephews was pretty okay! I finished two knitting projects (for a certain value of finishing - I need to block the shawl and weave in the ends on my second sock). So now I'm adrift, lost between knitting projects... maybe I'll do a scarf, or something. I kind of want to do another sweater but yarn is expensive and I have a too-big stash already. Maybe I'll dig out something I can use to make a little rat from a pattern Curtana found. I dunno yet.

The trip itself was nice - I have now been to a real ocean beach three times this year (though the second was not really a swimming beach - it was great for walking and flying kites). I got to revisit some old haunts and see some people I haven't seen or talked to in person in years, though not all of them. On the drive home I made a spontaneous decision to ping a friend none of us had seen in years and he came out to meet us for lunch and it was great. He was one of mine and my sister's best friends for years and years, and the lunch really recaptured that feeling pretty strongly. On the other hand, he got married last year and we all only heard about it on facebook. Mixed feelings there too, I guess.

I haven't done any reading at all since Pokemon Go came out. I am still enjoying the game, partly because it is something I can share with my housemates, but I'm also at a point where I'm not making any real progress anymore - I'm not really getting any better pokemon, and I don't have the time to go out looking for pokemon that are available in town but not near my house. Both the gyms near my house are level tens held by my team, but I only have a pokemon in one of them. This was supposed to be about how I haven't done any reading but you can see where my brain has been.

I haven't done a whole lot of writing recently either - I had some ideas while I was away for a story, but I'm not convinced that the text medium is the best option for it and that's really all I've got. It's also a lot longer of a story than I have ever successfully managed before. Like - an actual novel, whaaaat! But I have never been convinced I have the drive and focus for a novel so I'm not sure it is worth starting. Especially since I really only do okay with regular feedback for longer projects. And I'm not sure what I'm doing with this one entirely, and I'm not sure I'm qualified to write it anyway and not sure how to research the stuff I'm not familiar with. I did put down some words on paper while I was at the beach, but I immediately realized I was starting in the wrong place. I don't know if I am going to pursue it or not.

My contract ended just before we went on vacation, so I am currently funemployed. I have put out a few applications, but there isn't really a lot to go for. I think I have talked about this before, but I am not really sure what I want to do with myself, careerwise, at this point in time. I have things that I'd like to do, and sometimes I come across things I feel passionate about. But I don't know. I feel like I don't have any big dreams. I would like to do museums stuff, there are some cool things in that venue I could maybe pursue. I saw a really great-looking opportunity the other day on one site, but it was specifically targeted at young people, and that is not me. I'm over educated, or improperly educated for the jobs, and my qualifications are really bizarre. My experience is kind of all over the place - my last position was part collections management, part office administration, part digitization. And not really a big enough part of any of them to count as a whole anywhere (this doesn't stop me from applying for things, but it does stop me from thinking I have a real shot at anything I apply for. The crickets I'm hearing back seem to support that assessment. No it doesn't mean I'll stop trying). Basically I am not very optimistic. I would settle for something that lets me maintain a status quo where I can stay where I am, contribute a little, and save a little.

There are things I would like to use my savings on, but I am hesitant to do so without having a new job. I might be able to get a new position at my last place of employment and that would surely be the path of least resistance, but we'll see. The only thing I am committing to is a brand, and a little more tattoo work around that. But really I should probably prioritize the mattress, or the new laptop.... *sigh*

On the whole I'm feeling burnt out on a lot of things right now. I've been having my equivalent of stress dreams, which are always weird - shaving my legs with a vegetable peeler, friends giving me the cold shoulder, people acting strangely in general, things I enjoy being dissatisfying. It is really not helping my moods. probably the fact that i am remembering dreams that much is telling that I'm sleeping poorly in general and really ought to bump a mattress higher up my priorities list. I am just indecisive though. Do I go for foam latex? A mixed one? From a known company? A new one? I have a code for one of the kinds but I'm not sure when it expires. I'm not 100% sure what size I need. They're expensive. How long am I even going to have this bed? Live in this city? Ugh. I just don't know about anything these days, and I think it has been pretty firmly established that I don't handle uncertainty well.

I'm not sure why it is easier to make any kinds of posts when all I have is meh news.... maybe because when I'm feeling better I'm doing other stuff and it is harder to find the time. I dunno, I'll try and balance things out, I feel like when I do make long posts it is always the same thing in just slightly different iterations. I need some new icons but I don't know what they should be.

ETA: Of course, having posted this, I just got a notification from a position I applied for back in March - they want to test my language skills. Not quite an interview, but a step in that direction I guess! And better than crickets.