elanya

Well, now that I am home, I need to get myself used to being here again. I need to reaccustom myself to the idea of having school work and classes to get up for in the morning. I get a day of reprieve though, as school tomorrow is canceled due to weather. Crazymadness.

This also means falling back into other routines, though, like writing every day (which I haven't been doing - almost no writing at all over the break), cooking regular meals for myself, working in some kind of social schedule. Of course, with a new term, new class loads, and such, I'm not sure what that schedule will be. Even my social schedule looks like it might get tossed up in the air for a bit, as some of it, at least revolves around the watching of TV shows which have been rescheduled for different nights *shakes fist*. And such. I don't feel like I have the energy for all this right now (oh yes - need to figure out what I am doing re: gym as well), but I don't know if it is post awesome vacation blue, because I am sick, or a bit of both. Bleah. I don't know if I want to nap or go get groceries. I'm not even 100% sure the store is open, and it isn't like I have *no* food... Maybe I'll try tomorrow afternoon if there is no ice, or not too much ice, as I am walking.

Right now seems a good time to just cuddle up in this nice pile of cozy blankets and see if I can figure out what I want to wrote. or work on scholarship application, maybe...

sometimes it seems that I do nothing ut work on my thesis. If I spend as much time actually writing as I dedicate to writing,m the thing wuld probably be about 4000 pager or so by now. In fact I write sporadically, and with constant numerous distractions. This is good and bad. I lack focus, but I *know* this. My solution so far hs been just to provide myself with lots of small distractions that don't necessarily take up a lot of time themselves. I have LJ. I can check as often as I like, but that doesn't mean there will be anything to read. Even if there is, it's not going to take me moe than a minute or two to read. Same for anything posted on the perfume forums, or the various gaming wikis, or whatever. Conversations suck away more of my time - usually Hazel is on google chat during the day, And Joel is generally around at night, plus various folks in #changeling or #deadesper or #exia.

But even without the internet I have a zillion distractions. I have various stories I am working on or a planning to write. The time I spend thinking about them counts, as does time spent researching details and looking at character sheets, and of course, actually writing.. Music is a distraction. sometimes I work better without it, but I generally have enough songs in my head to keep myself well distracted trying to memorize lyrics, looking them up, teaching myself new songs, playing with my little orchestra of instruments, and so forth. Chores are a distraction, which is probably for the best, as is preparing food. It isn't that these things take time - they mostly don't, but I usually spend the time when I am both preparing and eating food, or washing the dishes, say, flitting back and forth between whatever I am doing and the computer, chatting with folk and reading.

Things are still progressing, though. I need the MA thesis from Michigan still, but I've started writing up that material, and then I'll be on to my conclusion. By the end of the week. I keep saying that, but I do mean it, really. I have to finish it in the next two week, Sooner would be better, but that's not going to happen. I want to defend before the end of the term, finish my only term paper, and then polish up my thesis for submission to the graduate office to officially be done in summer session. It won't cost me anythign more, at least.

I am not going to walk. At least not at the university graduation. I really don't have any incentive to walk in the department graduation either. *I* don't care about it enough to do it on my own, and who here would care? My friends are busy doing their own work. I really wouldn't expect them to come. I'm not going to be graduating *with* any of my peers (well, maybe Peter), which makes the ritual of it all the more meaningless. It seems like it would just be another thing to worry about getting done with and hassling people for assistance with (transportation, helping me pick up a gown etc, whatever). Meh. Even the excitement of dressing up is unappealing. It does not make me feel special to dress up the same as everyone else at the ceremony. I can dress excitingly on my own, thank you! I do not need to feel like I am walking off the set of a Harry Potter flick to feel edjumacated.

I keep thinking there was something else. Possibly more than one something, but I can't remember. I went out to buy groceries today, and bought a bunch of junk I didn't need. However, I had to carry it all back. I don'tr know what I want for dinner, though I have hamburger thawed. I could make hamburgers, some kind of goulash, chili, nachos, casserole, something else... I don't really have the right size pan to make a small meatloaf or I might do that. I thik tomorrow I am going to make Thai curry. I have paste and coconut milk in my cupboard. Damn, though, I forgot to get chicken stock. I always forget something. Maybe I will use juice instead and see how that goes.

I want to have another excuse that is valid to step away from my computer for a bit, but I haven't got much. I need to do more on my thesis anyway. Maybe I will bake something but I really don't need the extra junk food -_-

Blah. I was sure there was something that was actually important or interesting to put in there. Apparently I'm just feeling whiny :p

Oh yes I have to get up early tomorrow, here hoping I can pull that off :p