elanya

Or maybe allergy meds? Ineffective ones? My face is leaking like a broken sieve this am.

This disturbing part of this dream is about my mother. I dreamed she was is the hospital. Or possibly still in the hospital. In my dream, she'd been there for a long time, and we'd thought her dead. Somehow, that she'd wound up in there at all was my fault. I'd only recently found out that she was still alive, and now I wanted to go rescue her.

I wasn't supposed to be there, and/or I wasn't sure she was going to want to see me at all. It was all very upsetting nd terrible. I eventualy got in to the hospital a back way and tricked someone into telling me where I could find her. This involved getting a nurse to help me without paying for something or producing a proper form somewhere along the way, and I felt indebted so that i needed to both repay her and keep her out of trouble. Possibly also my childhood friend Nalesa was in there, and had driven me to the hospital. The details are kind of blurring now.

In any case, i found her, and we talked outside in the hospital hallway, where I'd found her. I'll reiterate at this point that this was my mother - my actual real world mother - at this point because soon the dream will take a turn to the bizarre. So it was all very heart wrenching and hard and this is the 'horrible' part of the dream. I think I knew somehow that she didn't need to be there anymore, and I was trying to convince her to come back with me. At this point, I also needed her to get my friend's driving license back, and also to finish getting my own, but I didn't want to guilt her in to doing anything for me. She was kind of happy to see me, but kind of not. She was still hurt.

At this point my brain started to fill in some truly surreal details that I only half remember. There was something about having to go back in time and fight some evil and that had resulted in her winding up in the hospital maybe? Specifically it involved janus Gwidaine, one of my sister's old 9and very long lived) Changeling characters. I didn't tell her any of this right then, however, because I was too focused on my guilt, and she was too focused on being upset, both to see me, at having been there for so long, and about whatever had put her there in the first place. let me tell you, if I am going to have dreams about seeing my mother in the hospiral, it is a right kick in the pants for her to be upset and almost scared of me. In any case, I left feeling defeated.

However I stil had obligations, to my friend, to the nurse lady, and I also needed her for some driving licence related thing. A friend of mine (possibly Toph from Avatar) gave me a pep talk, both about how I was being selfing towards her and how I was dwelling too much on the past and not on how things had changed a lot but how she was still really needed.

I went back the next day, this time more legitimately. I found her in one of the common rooms this time. I told her that janus was still alive, and reformed. but Hazel had already called and told her that so it sort of killed my good news. I also had to explain why I was hanging out with Zuko (again Avatar), so I tried to explain why he was a good guy now But instead he came in (or maybe I was him now?) and he sand her a song on the shower about how he liked Frank Sinatra. There was also a reference to Madd Magazine. And somehow, this made her decide that he was okay. Not because he liked Frank Sintatra specifically, but more because he was willing to sing a song about how he feels about things and demonstrate that he was a real person with feeling and not just always some big emo jerk. The Madd Magazing reference showed her that he was not competely out of touch with the real world outside his dramas also. At this point I was able to tell my mother that even though I really wanted her to forgive me etc, that i needed her to come with me to repay these debts I had to others. I think she saw that as either selfless and/or resposible and agree, though at his time the rdream was less and less realistic in that sense.

So I brought her home to meet the Avatar gang. Introduced people around, and they were all jealous that Zuko had his own song. So then we made up songs about everyone else. They were, as all dream songs are, absolutely fantastic. The animations to go along with the were outstanding Very hilarious. i wish I remember any thing but the parts where someone would say something about one of the boys, and a chorus of veryone else, marching along the bottom of the screen would sing 'and Mal!', and then later 'and John!'. Mal being firefly Mal - i have no idea who John was. Possibly the John that is going to be Ian's best man? Is that a John? Madness. Anyway.

After the songs, Time Passed. There were children now,one of who was about three. i don't know whose children they were. My mother was no longer my actually mother, and quite possibly I had long ago stopped being me. I don't remember this part as clearly, but we realized that everything has settled in to routine, and my mother then had to go. I remember picking up this little girl, a three year old. At this point she was a Japanese woman wih very long black hair, wearing a silver kimono. She told me that t would be hard but she had to go now, but that she would always protect the Children She left the child a comb to remember her, and that the kid could use to call on her if needed.

And then she left/faded away.

So the last part was also sad, but in a more disconnected way. It is also quite clearly the dreamchild of Kaidan, half of which i watched with Cat last night. The rest of is it all Avatar and left over bits of other random things stirred up in my subconscious. I think the first part is even me projecting Zuko's quest to find his mother on to my own situation, and it has a lot more elements of his story than mine, even if the people involved were real.

Very vivid, and very intense.