elanya: Sumerian cuneiform 'Dingir' meaning divine being/sky/heaven (Default)
Megan the Cruel, a.k.a. [profile] tethys123, asked me to talk about job searching and my feeling on it.

I haven't really been actively pursuing my jobsearch since I landed the position I have now. This is a little foolish of me, since this position ends in June. Probably. I mean maybe they will get more money and want to keep me? But there is absolutely no certainty in that regard, and I am really not counting on it.

While I haven't been *searching*, I have heard of a few jobs that I could be applying for, and I have been doing a very minimal amount of work towards preparing to do so. I should be doing more.

There are reasons for this, as follows (this is the feels part):

I really like my living situation, on the whole. While I wish I had better access to my things, and I especially wish we could manage better pet integration because I miss having Maze around all the time, I love living with my family, I love being so close to [personal profile] naryrising (Oh and [personal profile] forthright, him too ;), and I like the town I'm living in. My sister and BiL may complain it is Montreal, but it is also no College Station, and in a good way ;p I am reluctant to hurry away fro that towards a career I feel ambivalent about. Especially when I can feel ambivalent about my career right here ;p

The other thing is that one of the jobs I mentioned is academic. I have a lot of ~feelings~ about my degree, the value of my education, my ability to perform in that kind of environment, and if I am being completely honest with myself, my desire to do so. I think I could do it an do well at it, but I feel very ambivalent about some aspects of it. Some of if is probably just impostor syndrome. But I don't think that's it entirely. I think there were actually serious flaws with my education :p There are aspects that are very appealing. It would be a good cool job in a location that is in some regards extremely appealing. Less in others :p Part of me is really excited and part of me wants to just hide forever. I will definitely apply, but even then I think it will be fairly competitive, so we'll see.

And the other job is at the sister institution to my current job, with a lot more responsibility (but maybe also a lot more power, I dunno), but farther away from everyone, so I dunno. I probably have a leg up there, at this point...

Ambivalent. That is my feels. I don't know how to get over my issues surrounding my degree, but if I could figure that out I think it would help a lot :p
Mood:: 'contemplative' contemplative

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