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elanya at 11:45pm on 29/10/2002
elanya at 11:45pm on 29/10/2002I find myself in an uneasy liminal state. I though I might be going to Ontario today. Now I'm not. I don't kow when I'm going. It might not be until Thursday or Friday. SOme things are definite. I'm going up with Jason, in his dad's truck. he is waiting to get some money from various sources, some of which may come today, some of which on Thursday.
I have some things packed. Now that I know that I am going by truck, I can pack better. All my clothes are away, though. I'll be living out of a suitcase until I leave I suppose.
I really thought I would be leaving today or tomorrow, but now that isn't looking likely. I'm sad. I want to see Joel. I want to get settled for where I'll be living for the next few years. I want to escape this nagging liminality.
I had Exia, one of my online games, cancelled this week because I thought I'd be away. Now, I most likely won't be. Even though I know that at least two other people really could use the time for other things this week, I feel like I've let people down. I also feel....selfishly dissapointed. I wanted to play to. Now I don't know if I'll be able to play THUIII on Monday. I don't think the internet is hooked up yet at Joel's, and I don't know when it might be, either. I suppose I could get a month of dialk-up hooked up pretty fast, and pay for that until we get Rogers installed. Joel, love, could you maybe check into that for me?
I need to e-mail the Hamilton guy again. He want to know about my field experience, and when I'll be in Ontario. I guess I'll have to tell him that I really don't have much, and that I don't know. So very encouraging. *sigh*
Maybe I'll go downtown today and bug Shan. I probably should work on packing more, but I don't feel like it. Maybe I'll watch some MST3K or something later tonight, too. I don't know. Hazel will be (or should be, anyway) at the craft school. I should work on or even finish my three day novel, too, but I need a different environment for that and I don't know where to find it. I think it will be a good story, though. I want to talk about it more, but I shouldn't... not in here anyway.
Since I'm following a rather meandering train of thought anyway, I guess I'll toss this in here too. I often feel like the things I have to say aren't of interest to other people. I don't believe that if I talk about, say, my stories, my games or gaming characters, my dissertation, that people don't care because they aren't involved, or something. This isn't always the case, but I often feel it is. Especially in situations where I don't know people well, though, I don't see why they would be interested in any little anecdote about me, or things I do. I don'tunderstand what makes people interested in each other, I guess. Sometimes it is because I'm not interested in what people are telling me, so I assume they must feel the same way. Sometimes I think I'm just a big geek, and that the things I do or am interested in are more socially incriminating than interesting. Othertimes I feel like I want to say something because it interests me, but I have nothing else to do but repeat myself, because no one else is interested in engaging in the topic. This is pretty pointless, I don't even know what I'm trying to get at.
I think I may just be having a blah day, and I mark it down to living out of boxes...
I have some things packed. Now that I know that I am going by truck, I can pack better. All my clothes are away, though. I'll be living out of a suitcase until I leave I suppose.
I really thought I would be leaving today or tomorrow, but now that isn't looking likely. I'm sad. I want to see Joel. I want to get settled for where I'll be living for the next few years. I want to escape this nagging liminality.
I had Exia, one of my online games, cancelled this week because I thought I'd be away. Now, I most likely won't be. Even though I know that at least two other people really could use the time for other things this week, I feel like I've let people down. I also feel....selfishly dissapointed. I wanted to play to. Now I don't know if I'll be able to play THUIII on Monday. I don't think the internet is hooked up yet at Joel's, and I don't know when it might be, either. I suppose I could get a month of dialk-up hooked up pretty fast, and pay for that until we get Rogers installed. Joel, love, could you maybe check into that for me?
I need to e-mail the Hamilton guy again. He want to know about my field experience, and when I'll be in Ontario. I guess I'll have to tell him that I really don't have much, and that I don't know. So very encouraging. *sigh*
Maybe I'll go downtown today and bug Shan. I probably should work on packing more, but I don't feel like it. Maybe I'll watch some MST3K or something later tonight, too. I don't know. Hazel will be (or should be, anyway) at the craft school. I should work on or even finish my three day novel, too, but I need a different environment for that and I don't know where to find it. I think it will be a good story, though. I want to talk about it more, but I shouldn't... not in here anyway.
Since I'm following a rather meandering train of thought anyway, I guess I'll toss this in here too. I often feel like the things I have to say aren't of interest to other people. I don't believe that if I talk about, say, my stories, my games or gaming characters, my dissertation, that people don't care because they aren't involved, or something. This isn't always the case, but I often feel it is. Especially in situations where I don't know people well, though, I don't see why they would be interested in any little anecdote about me, or things I do. I don'tunderstand what makes people interested in each other, I guess. Sometimes it is because I'm not interested in what people are telling me, so I assume they must feel the same way. Sometimes I think I'm just a big geek, and that the things I do or am interested in are more socially incriminating than interesting. Othertimes I feel like I want to say something because it interests me, but I have nothing else to do but repeat myself, because no one else is interested in engaging in the topic. This is pretty pointless, I don't even know what I'm trying to get at.
I think I may just be having a blah day, and I mark it down to living out of boxes...
blah
<Anya> Buck up you :o) </Anya>
Just take advantage of this free time to find and wrap up any loose ends or just catch up on a whole lot of rest.
As for your meandering train of thought, it's good to get your mind as well as your belongings sorted out before a move , it makes for an easier start once you get where you're going.
Moving onto the "I often feel like the things I have to say aren't of interest to other people". Take a couple of deep breaths, go make yourself a cup of tea and then sit down in your comfy chair :o). This has more to do with your anxiety about the move and making friends once you get there. OK, it's difficult but you seemed to settle in pretty well when you came to Sheffield and you will when you get to Ontario, it sounds like you've got your foundations set up already.
Rogan will be lecturing Psychology 101 at a coffee house near you soon ;o)
(no subject)
*waves* I'm interested!
Anyway, I like hearing (or reading) what you have to say, even if I'm unable to engage in the topic due to massive lack of knowledge. It's still interesting to learn about. :)
So, yeah, back to lurking now...