![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
First some general non-story ramblings :) Hooray, my journal is no longer in read-only mode, for one! I've had this done for *hours*, let alone that I had other things I wanted to say! Like that my chili turned out awesome! Also, I almost forgot that I don't have class tomorrow morning! this is super sweet - I get to sleep in! I'm not setting my alarm, and if I wake up early, I will make pancakes, and bacon! or at least have a bagel or something, to celebrate. I have class at 12:30.
As far as the story goes, I would very much appreciate feedback, as always! I think that at some point (not this time, though), I will make a back dated entry that has the whole thing all together.... anyway! I will post this and then probably go to bed, unless I really feel like readng more of Citizens of the World
I have fixed up the second part just a tad, too. And this new section is quite a bit longer than the other two, probably equalling them both put together, if not more :o And I am still trying to think of a better title, and am open to suggestion.
Parts 1 and 2 here
Alder Court, where Lori lives, is a new, or at least newly renovated, property. The siding, pale yellow, and roofing, brick red shingles, have recently been replaced. It is more like a set of townhouses than an apartment complex. Each unit has its own separate entrance and balcony. The buildings are two stories each, but some units have multiple floors. The grounds are well tended. Small shrubs line the walkways, with young rhododendrons in mulched beds spaced evenly along the lawn. Cedars, carefully pruned into an unnatural cone shape, stand on either side of each door. The parking lot is crowded with the latest models of SUV’s. It is the middle of the afternoon, and there are few people around. I hear dogs barking, and notice some foot paths worn into the grass where people have created their own routes across the lawns, to parking lots and dumpsters.
Lori lives in unit seventeen. I am instinctively aware of someone inside with a powerful presence. I expect that she has called in someone as backup, most likely her brother. This would give her confidence for a number of reasons. He knows more about me, or who I was, than anyone else she could contact. She knows that, on a certain level, he is better equipped to deal with me. She may have other details, but I am uncertain. I was never under the impression that they were a close family, but things change. It has been six years. I am very different now, and they may be as well.
I would prefer not to deal with his kind so soon, but if I must, I will. It is possible, though less likely, that she has contacted some of Anna’s family, possibly *her* brother, or some other from that line. I know very little of them. It is unlikely they would let Lori into their confidence, or allow Anna to reveal anything. The existence of their tribes is a closely guarded secret; one the Order was careful to keep me away from.
I listen for a moment on the door – just listen. I could probe more deeply, but again, I choose not to. This is mostly a symbolic decision. I can’t fully explain it. I don’t want to belong to that world. I can’t escape it, but I want to be able to function on my own. I don’t want to be continually controlled by its coincidences. This conscious abstention gives me some measure of control, of choice, over my interactions. I don’t want it to interfere again with me and Anna, and so I will turn to it only as a last resort. It is hard to break myself of the habit, especially after so long in a place where subtlety was unnecessary.
I am also being watched, or at least tracked. Things have changed while I was away, and the Technocracy’s resources are not what they once were. One inactive rogue agent does not rate as high on their threat scale as it once did. For now, and for as long as I keep a low profile, they will have little interest in me.
Inside, I hear three voices: Lori, the child, and a man. The girl is laughing, but I can’t discern any of the conversation. There is incense burning. It is two o’clock exactly, and I press the door chime. The conversation stops, and I hear light footsteps coming towards the door. There is a pause, perhaps while she looks through the peephole; the dead bolt is drawn, and the door is opened.
Lori is fairly tall, around 5’11", and thin. He body is well toned, as though she exercises regularly. Her light brown hair is highlighted and cut in a short pixie style that frames her face. Her grey eyes regard me coolly, and her smile is flat, and reserved. She is wearing low-cut jeans and a pink, beige, and white striped midriff sweater. Her posture is defensive. I can see into the living room, where her brother, Matt ‘Cash’, is sitting on a sofa, watching the girl. She has long brown hair in pig tails, and her features are somewhat Asian. I estimate that she is four year old, or slightly younger. She is wearing a red jumper with a smiling cartoon cat face, and a white t-shirt. Cash is wearing a burgundy Chinese-style tunic with frog clasps, and black trousers. They are all watching me, but Lori demands my attention for the moment. She looks me over critically. I am wearing a navy dress shirt, and black slacks.
"Hi. Daniel." She stands in the doorway for a moment. Cash rises from his seat as the girl steps closer to us.
"Just let him in Lori." He sounds somewhat tired, and resigned.
"Alright, come in, then." She steps back into the hall and waits for me to follow. The girl moves back as well, and looks towards Cash. She seems perplexed, as though she doesn’t know what is going on, but can sense the tension between me and Lori.
"Thank you." I enter. The house is much brighter on the inside, with lots of light admitted from patio doors in the rear of the building. The walls are a bright goldenrod, mottled with a lighter cream. The living room set is white, but covered with woven throws in bold earth tones – brown, rust and red. There is an abstract metal sculpture of a dancer on a pedestal in the corner, and two original paintings on her wall – a woman in a red veil, and a still life of gold flowers and green ferns in a pale vase. An entertainment center with an oak finish sits in the center of the far wall, but the cabinet doors are closed. There are several tall standing lights around the room, and, somewhat incongruously, an open wooden chest filled with dolls and other toys that spill out across the varnished pine floor.
"You remember Matt, of course." Lori nods to her brother.
"Of course." His hair, also a light brown, is long, falling into his eyes. It is hard to tell much about his physique from his posture, but he appears to be decently fit, save for a slight bugling around his stomach. He seems indifferent to the situation, as if his mind is somewhere else. It may be. We exchange nods.
"Good. Me and Sunshine are going to go for a little walk, then, aren’t we, honey?" She smiles down at the girl, who grins back uncertainly.
"We gonna go to the park?"
"Sure, honey."
"Okay!" Her smile widens, and she reaches a small hand out to Lori. Cash stretches out his arms across the back of the sofa.
"You’re leaving?" What purpose does she see in leaving the two of us alone? Perhaps she expects we will talk about things more openly than if she was present. Even that were the case, what does she hope to achieve by it?
"I’ll be back. I live here." She takes Sunshine’s hand, and they pass by me, closing the door behind them. I pause, and then turn back to Cash. He sighs.
"Well, hey. Have a seat I guess."
I advance into the room, and sit in the first chair by the entrance. It is well cushioned, which seems awkward to me. I have become accustomed, over time, to more spartan surroundings. Cash is relaxed and resigned. As he knows better the purpose of this conversation, I will wait for him to initiate it.
"Sooo…. Daniel. Graves. ‘S been a while." He sighs again. "Do you want a beer or something?"
"No." I should. I should try to learn how to relax, but do so, sitting here with a man I have thought of for so long as an enemy is counterintuitive. I don’t expect him to try anything, or at least not anything dangerous. Cash’s areas of specialization were mind and time influences, and he may well already know the outcome of this encounter. He was never aggressive in the past, and does not seem so now.
"Well, I’m just going to grab one for me then." He stands, and looks me over thoughtfully, then turns and makes his way to the kitchen. "So, you’re what now? Rejecting the hegemony of empirical, positivist, reality?" The words are not his own. His tone is facetious. He glances back over his shoulder to watch my reaction as he steps across the threshold of the kitchen, just off to the right of the room. I hear the sound of the refrigerator door open, and the soft hiss and click as he opens a can.
I shake my head. Experience has taught me that what holds true here does not hold true elsewhere. There are no rules, no absolutes save what we chose to believe. I haven’t decided, haven’t figured out, what that is for me. It is not a current priority. Regardless, I did not leave the Technocracy because I rejected their understanding of what the world is, or should be. I can no longer operate within their framework. Their methods and goals are corrupt. I no longer believe in the organization, and I will not allow myself to be subsumed by it again. "I came here on my own. I am working-" I pause. That isn’t right; I’m not working. "-existing independently."
"They’re letting you do that?" He retakes his seat, taking a drink of his Heineken.
"They have other concerns."
"Well. That’s good to know. So… yeah." He takes another drink. "Lori tells me you’re trying to track down her friend."
"Anna." My wife.
"Right. Why now? You just disappeared, and suddenly, you’re all here, and ‘independent’ and whatever?" He sounds mildly curious now. I am sure he is only doing this as a favour to his sister.
"I was gone, for some time." I have no desire to discuss at length my travels in the other world. He doesn’t need details, not about the war, or Nas Unara itself. He won’t press me for them, either. They aren’t his concern. I wonder what is. He seems very apathetic to this situation, when many other tradition mages would be at least somewhat wary. Clearly, he cares enough about *something* to do this for Lori. He seems tired, somewhat drained even, but Lori still trusts him to deal with this situation for her… Is there something I am missing here? Maybe it involves the girl. She could be his daughter, but that doesn’t answer everything. I’m over-analyzing. It is not important.
I just need to explain myself well enough that he, or Lori, will tell me what I need to know. "Out of the influence of my previous employers. The experience has altered my perceptions, and priorities."
"Right… So, can you talk like a normal human person, or what?" I frown, and he sips his beer again. I don’t believe he is trying to rile me. It was a rhetorical question, but it reminds me how poor I am, still, at this kind of interaction. "You’re here, and you can answer questions, and maybe even think for yourself, but it’s like they’ve cut out the part of your mind that makes you actually *alive*. To me, that’s the biggest crime – to want to make everyone like that, and to think that it would make things better."
"I don’t." I don’t want this, but I don’t know how to fix it.
Cash closes his eyes and breathes in deeply. I can sense him probing at my thoughts, and instinctively, I deny him access. He shakes his head.
"There’s nothing there. No emotional resonance at all. The closest thing you’ve got is disappointment, or maybe mild annoyance that you can’t make things work the way you want them to."
"You’re exaggerating."
"Maybe." He looks at me again, perplexed by my condition, as though he can’t decide if I deserve pity or disdain for it. "I just don’t understand. Do you even remember what it’s like to be happy?"
"I do." I remember it in dreams. I have managed to reclaim most of the memories that were taken away from me after the Order called an end to their social experiment, but I still feel distanced from them. Cash is dubious.
"Sure. So, what are you going to do if you get there, and you’ve still got nothing?"
I don’t want to consider it. What if this is something that can’t be fixed? What if I can’t translate this need I feel into anything more? What happens next?
"I’ll leave." I can’t see any other solution. I don’t want to make those plans, to admit the possibility of such complete failure.
Cash hold up his can of beer, and considers it for a moment. He takes another long drink. "That’s really a shitty deal for everyone." We both pause. There is no response I can make to that. It is true. "Well, look, Graves. Daniel. Whatever. Lori is gonna be awhile, because she expects me to go through this huge interrogation bit, and also, Sunshine will want to stay at the park. And I just really don’t have much to say. This isn’t my business. I don’t know why you came here. It isn’t what I would have done, but, well... that’s no shock. So, why don’t you just…." He shrugs, and waves his beer at me. "Go. And Lori can contact you later, after I talk to her."
"What are you going to tell her?"
He shifts in his seat a little, but looks me in the eye to answer.
"That even if you came here first, this isn’t really her decision to make."
I nod. He will tell her to call Anna, and let her decide. I am somewhat relieved. I hope that she will acquiesce. I don’t want her to be unprepared. And this way, if she decides to reject me completely, it will be easier for us both. "Alright."
Cash frowns again. "It’s a right bastard mess you’ve left Lori though. She’s not going to give you a shining reference, even if she does agree."
"I know." That’s fine. I know Anna…. Or at least, I knew her. I hope that she will at least want to judge for herself. She was ever optimistic.
"Well, then. We’ll be in touch." He lifts his can to me as I stand, a mock salute. I exit the way I came, to return to the hotel.
As far as the story goes, I would very much appreciate feedback, as always! I think that at some point (not this time, though), I will make a back dated entry that has the whole thing all together.... anyway! I will post this and then probably go to bed, unless I really feel like readng more of Citizens of the World
I have fixed up the second part just a tad, too. And this new section is quite a bit longer than the other two, probably equalling them both put together, if not more :o And I am still trying to think of a better title, and am open to suggestion.
Parts 1 and 2 here
Alder Court, where Lori lives, is a new, or at least newly renovated, property. The siding, pale yellow, and roofing, brick red shingles, have recently been replaced. It is more like a set of townhouses than an apartment complex. Each unit has its own separate entrance and balcony. The buildings are two stories each, but some units have multiple floors. The grounds are well tended. Small shrubs line the walkways, with young rhododendrons in mulched beds spaced evenly along the lawn. Cedars, carefully pruned into an unnatural cone shape, stand on either side of each door. The parking lot is crowded with the latest models of SUV’s. It is the middle of the afternoon, and there are few people around. I hear dogs barking, and notice some foot paths worn into the grass where people have created their own routes across the lawns, to parking lots and dumpsters.
Lori lives in unit seventeen. I am instinctively aware of someone inside with a powerful presence. I expect that she has called in someone as backup, most likely her brother. This would give her confidence for a number of reasons. He knows more about me, or who I was, than anyone else she could contact. She knows that, on a certain level, he is better equipped to deal with me. She may have other details, but I am uncertain. I was never under the impression that they were a close family, but things change. It has been six years. I am very different now, and they may be as well.
I would prefer not to deal with his kind so soon, but if I must, I will. It is possible, though less likely, that she has contacted some of Anna’s family, possibly *her* brother, or some other from that line. I know very little of them. It is unlikely they would let Lori into their confidence, or allow Anna to reveal anything. The existence of their tribes is a closely guarded secret; one the Order was careful to keep me away from.
I listen for a moment on the door – just listen. I could probe more deeply, but again, I choose not to. This is mostly a symbolic decision. I can’t fully explain it. I don’t want to belong to that world. I can’t escape it, but I want to be able to function on my own. I don’t want to be continually controlled by its coincidences. This conscious abstention gives me some measure of control, of choice, over my interactions. I don’t want it to interfere again with me and Anna, and so I will turn to it only as a last resort. It is hard to break myself of the habit, especially after so long in a place where subtlety was unnecessary.
I am also being watched, or at least tracked. Things have changed while I was away, and the Technocracy’s resources are not what they once were. One inactive rogue agent does not rate as high on their threat scale as it once did. For now, and for as long as I keep a low profile, they will have little interest in me.
Inside, I hear three voices: Lori, the child, and a man. The girl is laughing, but I can’t discern any of the conversation. There is incense burning. It is two o’clock exactly, and I press the door chime. The conversation stops, and I hear light footsteps coming towards the door. There is a pause, perhaps while she looks through the peephole; the dead bolt is drawn, and the door is opened.
Lori is fairly tall, around 5’11", and thin. He body is well toned, as though she exercises regularly. Her light brown hair is highlighted and cut in a short pixie style that frames her face. Her grey eyes regard me coolly, and her smile is flat, and reserved. She is wearing low-cut jeans and a pink, beige, and white striped midriff sweater. Her posture is defensive. I can see into the living room, where her brother, Matt ‘Cash’, is sitting on a sofa, watching the girl. She has long brown hair in pig tails, and her features are somewhat Asian. I estimate that she is four year old, or slightly younger. She is wearing a red jumper with a smiling cartoon cat face, and a white t-shirt. Cash is wearing a burgundy Chinese-style tunic with frog clasps, and black trousers. They are all watching me, but Lori demands my attention for the moment. She looks me over critically. I am wearing a navy dress shirt, and black slacks.
"Hi. Daniel." She stands in the doorway for a moment. Cash rises from his seat as the girl steps closer to us.
"Just let him in Lori." He sounds somewhat tired, and resigned.
"Alright, come in, then." She steps back into the hall and waits for me to follow. The girl moves back as well, and looks towards Cash. She seems perplexed, as though she doesn’t know what is going on, but can sense the tension between me and Lori.
"Thank you." I enter. The house is much brighter on the inside, with lots of light admitted from patio doors in the rear of the building. The walls are a bright goldenrod, mottled with a lighter cream. The living room set is white, but covered with woven throws in bold earth tones – brown, rust and red. There is an abstract metal sculpture of a dancer on a pedestal in the corner, and two original paintings on her wall – a woman in a red veil, and a still life of gold flowers and green ferns in a pale vase. An entertainment center with an oak finish sits in the center of the far wall, but the cabinet doors are closed. There are several tall standing lights around the room, and, somewhat incongruously, an open wooden chest filled with dolls and other toys that spill out across the varnished pine floor.
"You remember Matt, of course." Lori nods to her brother.
"Of course." His hair, also a light brown, is long, falling into his eyes. It is hard to tell much about his physique from his posture, but he appears to be decently fit, save for a slight bugling around his stomach. He seems indifferent to the situation, as if his mind is somewhere else. It may be. We exchange nods.
"Good. Me and Sunshine are going to go for a little walk, then, aren’t we, honey?" She smiles down at the girl, who grins back uncertainly.
"We gonna go to the park?"
"Sure, honey."
"Okay!" Her smile widens, and she reaches a small hand out to Lori. Cash stretches out his arms across the back of the sofa.
"You’re leaving?" What purpose does she see in leaving the two of us alone? Perhaps she expects we will talk about things more openly than if she was present. Even that were the case, what does she hope to achieve by it?
"I’ll be back. I live here." She takes Sunshine’s hand, and they pass by me, closing the door behind them. I pause, and then turn back to Cash. He sighs.
"Well, hey. Have a seat I guess."
I advance into the room, and sit in the first chair by the entrance. It is well cushioned, which seems awkward to me. I have become accustomed, over time, to more spartan surroundings. Cash is relaxed and resigned. As he knows better the purpose of this conversation, I will wait for him to initiate it.
"Sooo…. Daniel. Graves. ‘S been a while." He sighs again. "Do you want a beer or something?"
"No." I should. I should try to learn how to relax, but do so, sitting here with a man I have thought of for so long as an enemy is counterintuitive. I don’t expect him to try anything, or at least not anything dangerous. Cash’s areas of specialization were mind and time influences, and he may well already know the outcome of this encounter. He was never aggressive in the past, and does not seem so now.
"Well, I’m just going to grab one for me then." He stands, and looks me over thoughtfully, then turns and makes his way to the kitchen. "So, you’re what now? Rejecting the hegemony of empirical, positivist, reality?" The words are not his own. His tone is facetious. He glances back over his shoulder to watch my reaction as he steps across the threshold of the kitchen, just off to the right of the room. I hear the sound of the refrigerator door open, and the soft hiss and click as he opens a can.
I shake my head. Experience has taught me that what holds true here does not hold true elsewhere. There are no rules, no absolutes save what we chose to believe. I haven’t decided, haven’t figured out, what that is for me. It is not a current priority. Regardless, I did not leave the Technocracy because I rejected their understanding of what the world is, or should be. I can no longer operate within their framework. Their methods and goals are corrupt. I no longer believe in the organization, and I will not allow myself to be subsumed by it again. "I came here on my own. I am working-" I pause. That isn’t right; I’m not working. "-existing independently."
"They’re letting you do that?" He retakes his seat, taking a drink of his Heineken.
"They have other concerns."
"Well. That’s good to know. So… yeah." He takes another drink. "Lori tells me you’re trying to track down her friend."
"Anna." My wife.
"Right. Why now? You just disappeared, and suddenly, you’re all here, and ‘independent’ and whatever?" He sounds mildly curious now. I am sure he is only doing this as a favour to his sister.
"I was gone, for some time." I have no desire to discuss at length my travels in the other world. He doesn’t need details, not about the war, or Nas Unara itself. He won’t press me for them, either. They aren’t his concern. I wonder what is. He seems very apathetic to this situation, when many other tradition mages would be at least somewhat wary. Clearly, he cares enough about *something* to do this for Lori. He seems tired, somewhat drained even, but Lori still trusts him to deal with this situation for her… Is there something I am missing here? Maybe it involves the girl. She could be his daughter, but that doesn’t answer everything. I’m over-analyzing. It is not important.
I just need to explain myself well enough that he, or Lori, will tell me what I need to know. "Out of the influence of my previous employers. The experience has altered my perceptions, and priorities."
"Right… So, can you talk like a normal human person, or what?" I frown, and he sips his beer again. I don’t believe he is trying to rile me. It was a rhetorical question, but it reminds me how poor I am, still, at this kind of interaction. "You’re here, and you can answer questions, and maybe even think for yourself, but it’s like they’ve cut out the part of your mind that makes you actually *alive*. To me, that’s the biggest crime – to want to make everyone like that, and to think that it would make things better."
"I don’t." I don’t want this, but I don’t know how to fix it.
Cash closes his eyes and breathes in deeply. I can sense him probing at my thoughts, and instinctively, I deny him access. He shakes his head.
"There’s nothing there. No emotional resonance at all. The closest thing you’ve got is disappointment, or maybe mild annoyance that you can’t make things work the way you want them to."
"You’re exaggerating."
"Maybe." He looks at me again, perplexed by my condition, as though he can’t decide if I deserve pity or disdain for it. "I just don’t understand. Do you even remember what it’s like to be happy?"
"I do." I remember it in dreams. I have managed to reclaim most of the memories that were taken away from me after the Order called an end to their social experiment, but I still feel distanced from them. Cash is dubious.
"Sure. So, what are you going to do if you get there, and you’ve still got nothing?"
I don’t want to consider it. What if this is something that can’t be fixed? What if I can’t translate this need I feel into anything more? What happens next?
"I’ll leave." I can’t see any other solution. I don’t want to make those plans, to admit the possibility of such complete failure.
Cash hold up his can of beer, and considers it for a moment. He takes another long drink. "That’s really a shitty deal for everyone." We both pause. There is no response I can make to that. It is true. "Well, look, Graves. Daniel. Whatever. Lori is gonna be awhile, because she expects me to go through this huge interrogation bit, and also, Sunshine will want to stay at the park. And I just really don’t have much to say. This isn’t my business. I don’t know why you came here. It isn’t what I would have done, but, well... that’s no shock. So, why don’t you just…." He shrugs, and waves his beer at me. "Go. And Lori can contact you later, after I talk to her."
"What are you going to tell her?"
He shifts in his seat a little, but looks me in the eye to answer.
"That even if you came here first, this isn’t really her decision to make."
I nod. He will tell her to call Anna, and let her decide. I am somewhat relieved. I hope that she will acquiesce. I don’t want her to be unprepared. And this way, if she decides to reject me completely, it will be easier for us both. "Alright."
Cash frowns again. "It’s a right bastard mess you’ve left Lori though. She’s not going to give you a shining reference, even if she does agree."
"I know." That’s fine. I know Anna…. Or at least, I knew her. I hope that she will at least want to judge for herself. She was ever optimistic.
"Well, then. We’ll be in touch." He lifts his can to me as I stand, a mock salute. I exit the way I came, to return to the hotel.
creative