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posted by [identity profile] shanmonster.livejournal.com at 10:13am on 15/10/2004
It all goes back to intent. When I post pictures of myself, I'm not doing it so people can tell me how hawt I am. Hell, I put plenty of unflattering pictures of myself up for people to see, too. Neither do I post stories so people can tell me how good they are. I do it to entertain. That's my nature.

And perhaps it's perverse, but I enjoy my hate mail much more than I do my fan mail.
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posted by [identity profile] f00dave.livejournal.com at 10:37am on 15/10/2004
I think you've made a key observation, here. The intention is what matters.
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posted by [identity profile] forthright.livejournal.com at 10:42am on 15/10/2004
Fair enough; I agree that intent has a lot to do with it. I simply disagree that anyone's intent can ever be 100% pure, and would contend that there is always some extent to which flaunting oneself, hoping for compliments, and so on will be involved. Some people are better at (consciously or no) mixing multiple intents and less blatantly "seeking" flattery/compliments, it's true. And yes, I am annoyed when people are constantly going on to the effect of "Aren't I so good?", looking for validation. But with friends who may be going through tough times, who may have self-esteem problems, or may just simply be having a rotten day, I'm inclined to give a fair bit of leeway.
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posted by [identity profile] shanmonster.livejournal.com at 10:50am on 15/10/2004
Nothing's 100% pure. Not even Ivory Soap!

I don't think self-esteem problems are helped any by the constant feeding of asked-for praise, though. I mean, wouldn't the person with low self-esteem not be aware that they were getting praise precisely because they were asking for it?
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posted by [identity profile] forthright.livejournal.com at 10:55am on 15/10/2004
No, because it's not really a conscious process for a lot of people, I believe. And sometimes where it seems to be conscious to outsiders, it may in fact not be.

Even if it is conscious, though, it doesn't negate its effectiveness. After all, when you post something to entertain people, and then it does its job, you are happy that you have successfully done what you set out to do. And really, the only other options are to ignore the plea for praise entirely (leading to further self-esteem problems) or to reply with something other than praise (same effect). It may not be *helping*, but it doesn't hurt. Of course, if it were a long-term situation, then a friend would want to take some other action to help, but on a once-in-a-while basis, I don't see the problem with it.
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