elanya

I am starting to feel really overwhelmed with work. I am struggling through the last bit of the second Armada book. At this point it just seems like I have already heard it all before. here are only a few new angles presented... This is partly because I rad the newer book first, but there was a hefty section on the Armada in a different book I read earlier this summer, and I'm just so tired of it. My plan is to finish it tonight, and to review my notes on the first book, and see if I can get anything written. It feels like I have been working constantly since sometime last week. This past weekend, I graded exams, and took time out on Sunday afternoon to play Perseity. Other than that and the barbeque that I attended for a mere two hours, I really haven't had any kind of break. And I don't feel like I can afford one either. This sucks extra hard because even though I know I deserve it, I feel badwhen I do make time for gaming, or to do just about anything, even housework or grocery shopping.

Tomorrow, I have a play date with 3headedmonkey before Exia, I think, and then game. I need the break, but I am already anxious about 'wasting' work time. part of the problem is that I have a hard time focusing. even on days, like today, when I have been working a lot, I kill a lot of time 'playing' on the internet - reading lj almost compulsively, desperately seeking someone to chat with for a few minutes here and there on ICQ or IRC. I don't feel like I am getting as much done as I should considering that I have so few 'real' breaks. It would be better for me to be more focused, and add all these litle breaks into something bigger and more substantial. Even right now, I feel like I should have started my diner cooking while I type this.

Part of the problem is that so many of my proffs are putting pressure on us to start research for our final papers. And I have, for some classes. One of the papers, the one for Swanson, I have done a decent amount of work on, but it isn't a nearly significant dent yet. For Dudley, I have scarecely more than a vague concept, half an idea of what sources I can use, and the knowledge that I can re-use a big chunk of my dissertation resaearch. I'm doing 'Methods of Piracy' (fear, Surprise and the rack!), so I can get in a lot about flags, on which I may be something of an expert :p For Dr. babits, I have to make a proposal for research... I need to look at what it is going to entail, how i am going to do it, do a lot of the background research... The good thing will be that this will be something I can directly use in my thesis.

I still have another 5 reviews to do for Dudley. I have another four or five more books to read for Swanson (for in class discussions), I have a presentation and an exam for babits which are both in the same week... In fact, my review of the Armada books is due th day after my birthday, my next review or dudle the next day, and project for babits the next week, only four days later. I think... I *hope* I'll be okay after this really horrible couple of weeks in over, but right now, I just want to curl up and cry. Which just makes me more upset because it means I am still not getting anything done. I am trying so hard to be dedicated and it hardly seems like it is gong to be enough. I am not the kind of person who can just shit something out the night before it is due and have any confidence of success.