elanya

I'm having one of those days where I feel disconnected, invisible and strange. I start to say things and no one is paying attention. I talk to myself on purpose. I feel shunned (and this is irrational) so I become more anti-social in response.

After class today, I went to the library to look up stuff for a presentation that I have to give in October. I'm glad I picked a middle date, even if ir is right before our exam in the same class, because it means that once it is done I will have more time to work on other papers. I came home around five because I thought I should have dinner. Instead, I dozed/slept for almost two hours, and have still not eaten anything but a handful of mini peanut butter cups. I brought lunch with me today, but I didn't eat it as I had no fork or microwave. All I did wind up having at noon was an apple, because I spent too much time goofing off online with Julie. It was a big apple, though, so I'm not complaining. After class, I went and got some crap fast food chicken bits from a place that I'm sure none of you will have heard of (Chick-Fill-A).

Now, I need to do dishes and do some more work, except I feel lonely, petulant, and unmotivated. I'd probably feel better if I had some actual dinner, and started doing work, but my mind is on other things. My house feels dark, messy, and cheap - generlaly uninviting. I miss my friends, and feel excluded and bitter because they all seem to have interesting things to do and people to do them with., and am annoyed at myself for it. I feel like I am missing all kinds of opportunities here, but I don't know what they are and probably don't really have time for them anyway. I'm afraid that tomorrow will just be more of the same. Also, I need to do dishes.

Maybe I would feel better if I put on some music.

Edit: Or maybe not

I read some, though not as much as I could have. I talked to Joel, and had a bath (I read in the bath). I put more scent in the bath (Iago this time) but not as much so I don't know if it will take. I didn't have anything to eat, because I am just the antihesis of hungry. I also cleaned my kitchen and washed all the dishes. I will probably go to bed soon... But for now I am chatting with Mr. Cat. :)