elanya

I am super full of meh today.

I don't have anything to do tonight, which means either walking all the way back up here to the lab in the chances that someone who is regularly online might not be playing Crack, or sitting at home in my empty house reading a textbook about European expansion that was written in the fifties.

I asked the graduate admissions guy (Dr. Swanson) about the CRM ohd, and his advice was that it is basically a program aimed at making bureaucrats. I seem to recall them saying that in their program, but of course since today is the first day of classes, the ECU site is super slow and I can't even check. So I'll go to my meeting tomorrow... and then what? We'll see.

I'm really starting to feel academically frustrated, though, which is not a good thing with this being my first year here, and not even having started any classes. It just seems that there aren't any good programs for me anyhere. If I could have found one, I like to think that I would have applied. And it is one thing to say that "a good program should want to give you money, or should be willing to work towards making a degree program to suit your needs" or whatever, but really, I am not such a stellar academic that people are going to want to bend over backwards to accomodate my quirky interests. I don't know who is qualified to help me with this. It seems like anyone with even vaguely similar interests are pure historians, or more interested in shipwrecks and underwater arch than I am. people keep asking me if I'm a diver. I keep telling them 'I don't think so.'" I don't really thinks that the kinds of things that I want to learn through archaeology can really be examined on a shipwreck... Or at least, not in that I would ned to excavate them, rather than examine material recovered my someone else. The context that wuld be important on a land site won't be the same... I suppose I have more to learn before I can really make that judgement, but that' why I'm taking Theory of Nautical arch, I suppose.

I'm also worried that my theory background will clash with what I'm going to be taught, and also that I don't have a strong enough grounding in theory to be able to support myself in arguments. I am probably not giving myself enough credit, but I've notice, and I discussed this with Mr Ct a bit, that my ability to express myself verbally is going right to hell lately. Words just don't come out, or they are in the wrong order, or sometimes they are just not the ones I meant to use. I am secretly worried that there is somethign wrong with my brain. Maybe it is just atrophy from too much time talkig on computers and not enough to real people, but until I came down here, I wasn'ty that lacking in face-to-face human interaction, and this is smoethign that I've been noticing for awhile.

I'm really on a good little ramble here, aren't I? This is pretty long, but I guess I just don't have anything else to do. I still have a plate of cookies here that I meant to distribute.. I just took the other one to International house. I don't know what to do with them... maybe I'll leave them with the secretary. Meh.