elanya

I was always panning to leave game early, but I was hoping it leave it to a little later. My driver and co-passenger had to go, though, and so we left. I didn't tell the shapers (game runners) I was leaving, and then on the way home I was told that they were getting ready for a second part to the plot they had started that was going to deeply involve my character. And I feel like an asshole because I know that I made everyone's lives a lot harder, and I feel like a huge asshole and also feel super disappointed, and I feel like they are never going to pin a story on this like me again ever because I'm not reliable.

But also I was just confused by the story, and how it played out, and it mostly reinforced about how I don't have a lot of close friends in or out of game, and people don't really know or care who I am.... and I know that isn't really true, not completely, but I fell really shitty anyway.

And to top it off, before I left I discovered that one of the dogs (sierra) had peed on my bed. And despite spraying it down with the rest of all the odor eliminator we had by bed still smells like pee, so I'm tired form shitty larp sleep, overly emotional because f various things, and now I don't know where I am sleeping tonight, but it sure the hell isn't in my own bed, which isn't made and smells like pee exactly in the spot where I'd usually sleep. I sprayed it down with vinegar and water, so it is wet too, and who the fuck knows if that will work either. My barely a few months old mattress.

All I want to do is cry and hide in my room, but I can't even do that really.