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Why I Love My Friends
It all started with this image:
<Curtana_work> on a completely unrelated topic: http://i.imgur.com/vtRVVvW.jpg
<Curtana_work> (I do not actually think dicks are gross, but I admit I loled at this)
<Curtana_work> "if instead of shoe cleaner, their product was DICK."
<Kennesawork> Wow, that's pretty great.
<malkwork> heee
<Kennesawork> Well, even if you don't think dicks are gross, oversaturation of the marketplace is still a problem.
<Curtana_work> yes
<Kennesawork> I mean, hell, we live in a college town.
<Curtana_work> but I mean really. McRibs are nasty.
<Curtana_work> ^-^
<Kennesawork> Heh, fair.
<Kennesawork> McRibs are...I don't actually get why it's called the McRib. There are no ribs there, and it tastes nothing like ribs.
<Curtana_work> heh
<malkwork> Don't care. McRib is God.
<Kennesawork> I don't think you can serve chicken with tartar sauce and call it a Filet o' Fish.
<Curtana_work> but it's sort of molded into the shape of ribs
<Curtana_work> therefore ribs!
<Kennesawork> That's the cut off?
<Kennesawork> The vague shape of ribs?
<Kennesawork> Seems like you could do a lot with vaguely-shaped food, then.
<Curtana_work> if you have low standards I guess
<Curtana_work> you know those chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs?
<Curtana_work> ACTUAL DINOSAUR MEAT
<Kennesawork> I knew it!
<Curtana_work> (when you consider that chickens are descended from dinosaurs.)
<Kennesawork> Man, I want that to be a thing in Jurassic World.
<Curtana_work> (perhaps in the same way that mcribs are descended from ... rib-bearing animals)
<malkwork> You all seem to be missing the point here, which is that McRibs are so delicious that if you put one on top of your head your tongue will beat your brais out getting to it.
<Kennesawork> Actual dinosaur nuggets.
<Curtana_work> much like your dick, Tuck?
<Kennesawork> Tuck, I hate to break it to you: the McRib is McNasty.
<Kennesawork> ...
<Kennesawork> That should not be a selling point.
<Kennesawork> For rib or dick.
<Curtana_work> just picturing Tuck sneaking up behind Cheryl in her needlepoint chair
<malkwork> If I put my dick on your head your tongue will beat your brains out getting to it? o.O
<Curtana_work> *dick on head*
<malkwork> HEEEE
<Curtana_work> I mean... she might murder you
<Kennesawork> Oh, for real reals.
<Curtana_work> I love this conversation
<allgreek2me> LOL. "a never-ending, thinly veiled penis infomercial"
<allgreek2me> GOLD
<Kennesawork> "Billy Mays here for penis..."
<allgreek2me> hahaaaaaa!
<allgreek2me> ZOMBIE Billy Mays
<malkwork> Let's be fair, it would be that guy with the headset.
<Curtana_work> maybe the Slap-Chop guy
<Curtana_work> "You're gonna love my dick"
<malkwork> Yeah, him
<Kennesawork> heh
<Kennesawork> "You're gonna love my dick" sounds like a threat.
<allgreek2me> Yes, the headset guy
<allgreek2me> with the Jersey accent
<malkwork> heee
<allgreek2me> "Dick. I don't even know"
<allgreek2me> the shamwow guy
<Kennesawork> Didn't that guy go to jail?
<allgreek2me> Vince Offer
<malkwork> "You'll love my dick or my money back"?
<allgreek2me> is apparently the name
<Kennesawork> ...
<Kennesawork> He is a commercial salesman, and his last name is Offer?
<allgreek2me> The internet informs me he is from Brooklyn
<malkwork> I'm sure that's a stage name :P
<allgreek2me> therefore not a Jersey accent, but an NYC
<allgreek2me> my bad
<allgreek2me> "Offer Shlomi (born April 25, 1964), also known as Vince Offer, Vince Shlomi, or the "ShamWow!" Guy, is a director, writer, comedian, and infomercial pitchman"
<Curtana_work> maybe he was actually Vince Offler. as in the god from Discworld.
<Kennesawork> Just saw that.
<allgreek2me> via http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vince_Offer
<Kennesawork> So the 'Vince' is the stage name.
<malkwork> ...Shlomi?
<Kennesawork> That's hilarious.
<Curtana_work> would not have expected that
<malkwork> Vince Shlomi here for my Shlomi!
<Kennesawork> Shlom-Wow
<malkwork> LOL
<malkwork> This is the best conversation ever.
<allgreek2me> He sells a liquid cleaner called InVinceable
<allgreek2me> because of course he does
<Curtana_work> ... holds up to 20 times its weight in liquid?
<malkwork> Just like the Schlom-Wow!
<Kennesawork> I like the lint roller line
<Kennesawork> The Schticky
<malkwork> I've seen that commercial
<Curtana_work> "Offer contended that he struck the prostitute when she "bit his tongue and would not let go."" o_O
<Curtana_work> gotta say, I think in that situation hitting someone is not your best bet, unless you want to lose your tongue
<malkwork> That... is both terrible and comical.
<Kennesawork> In fairness, you'd likely not be thinking straight if someone bit your tongue and wouldn't let go.
<malkwork> There's really not a good way out of that situation, tbf.
<Curtana_work> I suppose so
<Curtana_work> so. dicks covered in mcrib sauce.
<malkwork> mmmmmm
<malkwork> McRib
<malkwork> I mean wut?
<Curtana_work> ^-^
<Curtana_work> mcrib flavoured condoms?
<malkwork> Not gonna lie, I'd probably eat a dick if you covered it in McRib sauce.
<Kennesawork> Eww
<Curtana_work> I might hurt something laughing here
<Kennesawork> To the sauce, not the dick.
<Curtana_work> if I die, I'm blaming you guys
<malkwork> heee
<Kennesawork> Wait a sec, you would eat the dick?
<Kennesawork> Not just, like, lick the sauce off?
<allgreek2me> ew.
<Kennesawork> Is the dick still attached in this scenario?
<Curtana_work> I can't believe we haven't already said
<malkwork> It's slang, Josh. Keep up here.
<Curtana_work> McDick.
<Kennesawork> Because then I think we get into the Sham-Wow guy situation here.
<malkwork> hah!
<allgreek2me> You deserve a McDick today?
<Kennesawork> You're going to get Shlom-punched.
<malkwork> LOLOOLOL
<malkwork> I'm loving it!
<allgreek2me> I'm going to get busted for laughing at my desk
<allgreek2me> ^-^
<Kennesawork> Megan, isn't that the entire message that comedian is claiming guys are presenting?
<Kennesawork> "I'm lovin' it!"
<malkwork> I'll take two McDicks with extra special sauce, please...
<Curtana_work> yeah you will
* Curtana_work makes lewd eyebrow motions
<Lan-werk> wai wait
<Lan-werk> is that extra 'special sauce' or 'extra special' sauce?
<Kennesawork> Yes?
<Curtana_work> oh!
<Curtana_work> is that what was in the McDLT?
<Kennesawork> Hee
<malkwork> Heee
<Curtana_work> Dick, Lettuce, and Tomato?
<Kennesawork> It sounds like Tuck is ordering the McDP.
<Lan-werk> ...
<malkwork> :D
<Lan-werk> Mc DP?
<malkwork> McDVDA
<Lan-werk> two dicks for the price of one?
<Kennesawork> Nyah
<Lan-werk> hee
<Kennesawork> Well now he's talking about four.
<Kennesawork> Which is just greedy.
<Curtana_work> we call that... the double big mac
<Curtana_work> yeaah
<Kennesawork> Then again, we have to get rid of the surplus somehow.
<malkwork> Bargain blowout dick!
<malkwork> Buy one McDick get ten free!
<Curtana_work> I'm not sure whether a dick blowout sounds like a good or a bad thing
<Kennesawork> Dick Blowout: the truly unforgiveable curse.
<malkwork> hee
<malkwork> Explodio Dickus!
<Curtana_work> :D
<Kennesawork> Explodio Phallus, thank you very much. :p
<allgreek2me> Oh come ON. We've gotten this far and nobody has asked if you want to supersize your dick?
<allgreek2me> :v
<Kennesawork> Wow, that does seem like an oversight.
<allgreek2me> gross negligence
<Kennesawork> Gross something.
<allgreek2me> quite
<Curtana_work> god.. now I'm imagining Ronald Mcdonald street-harrassing a lady -_-
<allgreek2me> ahahaha
<Curtana_work> it is a terrifying mental image
<Kennesawork> It could be worse.
<Curtana_work> "hey baby... wanna supersize me?"
<Kennesawork> It could be Grimace.
<allgreek2me> JINX
<malkwork> Or the hamburglar
<allgreek2me> I was typing "better than Grimace"
<Kennesawork> RubbleRubble
<Kennesawork> RubbleRubOneOut
<allgreek2me> Oh, you know the Hamburglar's a street harrasser
<malkwork> The Ma'amburglar
<Kennesawork> That makes him sound like a kidnapper.
<malkwork> hee
<Curtana_work> The Hamrasser
<allgreek2me> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McDonaldland#Characters
<allgreek2me> now there's a rabbit hole
<malkwork> heh... hole...
<Curtana_work> McMuffin
<Kennesawork> Wow, Uncle O'Grimacey sounds super racist.
<malkwork> Thanks to you people I've gotten like three timesheets done so far >.>
<allgreek2me> You just need some more dick in your life
<allgreek2me> It will improve your motivation and productivity
<malkwork> I don't think that's true.
<malkwork> What I need is more McRibs.
<allgreek2me> TRY IT AND FIND OUT
<malkwork> lol
* allgreek2me is trying the hard sell
<allgreek2me> >.>
<malkwork> Hah!
<allgreek2me> see what I did there?
<allgreek2me> :V
<malkwork> I did!
<allgreek2me> My trolling has improved
<malkwork> :D
<allgreek2me> ^-^
<Kennesawork> hee
<Lan-werk> you are all beautiful people and I love you
<Curtana_work> on a completely unrelated topic: http://i.imgur.com/vtRVVvW.jpg
<Curtana_work> (I do not actually think dicks are gross, but I admit I loled at this)
<Curtana_work> "if instead of shoe cleaner, their product was DICK."
<Kennesawork> Wow, that's pretty great.
<malkwork> heee
<Kennesawork> Well, even if you don't think dicks are gross, oversaturation of the marketplace is still a problem.
<Curtana_work> yes
<Kennesawork> I mean, hell, we live in a college town.
<Curtana_work> but I mean really. McRibs are nasty.
<Curtana_work> ^-^
<Kennesawork> Heh, fair.
<Kennesawork> McRibs are...I don't actually get why it's called the McRib. There are no ribs there, and it tastes nothing like ribs.
<Curtana_work> heh
<malkwork> Don't care. McRib is God.
<Kennesawork> I don't think you can serve chicken with tartar sauce and call it a Filet o' Fish.
<Curtana_work> but it's sort of molded into the shape of ribs
<Curtana_work> therefore ribs!
<Kennesawork> That's the cut off?
<Kennesawork> The vague shape of ribs?
<Kennesawork> Seems like you could do a lot with vaguely-shaped food, then.
<Curtana_work> if you have low standards I guess
<Curtana_work> you know those chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs?
<Curtana_work> ACTUAL DINOSAUR MEAT
<Kennesawork> I knew it!
<Curtana_work> (when you consider that chickens are descended from dinosaurs.)
<Kennesawork> Man, I want that to be a thing in Jurassic World.
<Curtana_work> (perhaps in the same way that mcribs are descended from ... rib-bearing animals)
<malkwork> You all seem to be missing the point here, which is that McRibs are so delicious that if you put one on top of your head your tongue will beat your brais out getting to it.
<Kennesawork> Actual dinosaur nuggets.
<Curtana_work> much like your dick, Tuck?
<Kennesawork> Tuck, I hate to break it to you: the McRib is McNasty.
<Kennesawork> ...
<Kennesawork> That should not be a selling point.
<Kennesawork> For rib or dick.
<Curtana_work> just picturing Tuck sneaking up behind Cheryl in her needlepoint chair
<malkwork> If I put my dick on your head your tongue will beat your brains out getting to it? o.O
<Curtana_work> *dick on head*
<malkwork> HEEEE
<Curtana_work> I mean... she might murder you
<Kennesawork> Oh, for real reals.
<Curtana_work> I love this conversation
<allgreek2me> LOL. "a never-ending, thinly veiled penis infomercial"
<allgreek2me> GOLD
<Kennesawork> "Billy Mays here for penis..."
<allgreek2me> hahaaaaaa!
<allgreek2me> ZOMBIE Billy Mays
<malkwork> Let's be fair, it would be that guy with the headset.
<Curtana_work> maybe the Slap-Chop guy
<Curtana_work> "You're gonna love my dick"
<malkwork> Yeah, him
<Kennesawork> heh
<Kennesawork> "You're gonna love my dick" sounds like a threat.
<allgreek2me> Yes, the headset guy
<allgreek2me> with the Jersey accent
<malkwork> heee
<allgreek2me> "Dick. I don't even know"
<allgreek2me> the shamwow guy
<Kennesawork> Didn't that guy go to jail?
<allgreek2me> Vince Offer
<malkwork> "You'll love my dick or my money back"?
<allgreek2me> is apparently the name
<Kennesawork> ...
<Kennesawork> He is a commercial salesman, and his last name is Offer?
<allgreek2me> The internet informs me he is from Brooklyn
<malkwork> I'm sure that's a stage name :P
<allgreek2me> therefore not a Jersey accent, but an NYC
<allgreek2me> my bad
<allgreek2me> "Offer Shlomi (born April 25, 1964), also known as Vince Offer, Vince Shlomi, or the "ShamWow!" Guy, is a director, writer, comedian, and infomercial pitchman"
<Curtana_work> maybe he was actually Vince Offler. as in the god from Discworld.
<Kennesawork> Just saw that.
<allgreek2me> via http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vince_Offer
<Kennesawork> So the 'Vince' is the stage name.
<malkwork> ...Shlomi?
<Kennesawork> That's hilarious.
<Curtana_work> would not have expected that
<malkwork> Vince Shlomi here for my Shlomi!
<Kennesawork> Shlom-Wow
<malkwork> LOL
<malkwork> This is the best conversation ever.
<allgreek2me> He sells a liquid cleaner called InVinceable
<allgreek2me> because of course he does
<Curtana_work> ... holds up to 20 times its weight in liquid?
<malkwork> Just like the Schlom-Wow!
<Kennesawork> I like the lint roller line
<Kennesawork> The Schticky
<malkwork> I've seen that commercial
<Curtana_work> "Offer contended that he struck the prostitute when she "bit his tongue and would not let go."" o_O
<Curtana_work> gotta say, I think in that situation hitting someone is not your best bet, unless you want to lose your tongue
<malkwork> That... is both terrible and comical.
<Kennesawork> In fairness, you'd likely not be thinking straight if someone bit your tongue and wouldn't let go.
<malkwork> There's really not a good way out of that situation, tbf.
<Curtana_work> I suppose so
<Curtana_work> so. dicks covered in mcrib sauce.
<malkwork> mmmmmm
<malkwork> McRib
<malkwork> I mean wut?
<Curtana_work> ^-^
<Curtana_work> mcrib flavoured condoms?
<malkwork> Not gonna lie, I'd probably eat a dick if you covered it in McRib sauce.
<Kennesawork> Eww
<Curtana_work> I might hurt something laughing here
<Kennesawork> To the sauce, not the dick.
<Curtana_work> if I die, I'm blaming you guys
<malkwork> heee
<Kennesawork> Wait a sec, you would eat the dick?
<Kennesawork> Not just, like, lick the sauce off?
<allgreek2me> ew.
<Kennesawork> Is the dick still attached in this scenario?
<Curtana_work> I can't believe we haven't already said
<malkwork> It's slang, Josh. Keep up here.
<Curtana_work> McDick.
<Kennesawork> Because then I think we get into the Sham-Wow guy situation here.
<malkwork> hah!
<allgreek2me> You deserve a McDick today?
<Kennesawork> You're going to get Shlom-punched.
<malkwork> LOLOOLOL
<malkwork> I'm loving it!
<allgreek2me> I'm going to get busted for laughing at my desk
<allgreek2me> ^-^
<Kennesawork> Megan, isn't that the entire message that comedian is claiming guys are presenting?
<Kennesawork> "I'm lovin' it!"
<malkwork> I'll take two McDicks with extra special sauce, please...
<Curtana_work> yeah you will
* Curtana_work makes lewd eyebrow motions
<Lan-werk> wai wait
<Lan-werk> is that extra 'special sauce' or 'extra special' sauce?
<Kennesawork> Yes?
<Curtana_work> oh!
<Curtana_work> is that what was in the McDLT?
<Kennesawork> Hee
<malkwork> Heee
<Curtana_work> Dick, Lettuce, and Tomato?
<Kennesawork> It sounds like Tuck is ordering the McDP.
<Lan-werk> ...
<malkwork> :D
<Lan-werk> Mc DP?
<malkwork> McDVDA
<Lan-werk> two dicks for the price of one?
<Kennesawork> Nyah
<Lan-werk> hee
<Kennesawork> Well now he's talking about four.
<Kennesawork> Which is just greedy.
<Curtana_work> we call that... the double big mac
<Curtana_work> yeaah
<Kennesawork> Then again, we have to get rid of the surplus somehow.
<malkwork> Bargain blowout dick!
<malkwork> Buy one McDick get ten free!
<Curtana_work> I'm not sure whether a dick blowout sounds like a good or a bad thing
<Kennesawork> Dick Blowout: the truly unforgiveable curse.
<malkwork> hee
<malkwork> Explodio Dickus!
<Curtana_work> :D
<Kennesawork> Explodio Phallus, thank you very much. :p
<allgreek2me> Oh come ON. We've gotten this far and nobody has asked if you want to supersize your dick?
<allgreek2me> :v
<Kennesawork> Wow, that does seem like an oversight.
<allgreek2me> gross negligence
<Kennesawork> Gross something.
<allgreek2me> quite
<Curtana_work> god.. now I'm imagining Ronald Mcdonald street-harrassing a lady -_-
<allgreek2me> ahahaha
<Curtana_work> it is a terrifying mental image
<Kennesawork> It could be worse.
<Curtana_work> "hey baby... wanna supersize me?"
<Kennesawork> It could be Grimace.
<allgreek2me> JINX
<malkwork> Or the hamburglar
<allgreek2me> I was typing "better than Grimace"
<Kennesawork> RubbleRubble
<Kennesawork> RubbleRubOneOut
<allgreek2me> Oh, you know the Hamburglar's a street harrasser
<malkwork> The Ma'amburglar
<Kennesawork> That makes him sound like a kidnapper.
<malkwork> hee
<Curtana_work> The Hamrasser
<allgreek2me> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McDonaldland#Characters
<allgreek2me> now there's a rabbit hole
<malkwork> heh... hole...
<Curtana_work> McMuffin
<Kennesawork> Wow, Uncle O'Grimacey sounds super racist.
<malkwork> Thanks to you people I've gotten like three timesheets done so far >.>
<allgreek2me> You just need some more dick in your life
<allgreek2me> It will improve your motivation and productivity
<malkwork> I don't think that's true.
<malkwork> What I need is more McRibs.
<allgreek2me> TRY IT AND FIND OUT
<malkwork> lol
* allgreek2me is trying the hard sell
<allgreek2me> >.>
<malkwork> Hah!
<allgreek2me> see what I did there?
<allgreek2me> :V
<malkwork> I did!
<allgreek2me> My trolling has improved
<malkwork> :D
<allgreek2me> ^-^
<Kennesawork> hee
<Lan-werk> you are all beautiful people and I love you