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story time with gin lannie
Drunk Post, you say? How about drunk bedtime story?
[Elanya] once upon a time there was a ghost kitty named sandwich
[BalthCat] :3
[BalthCat] why is the kiddy a ghost? D:
[BalthCat] kitty
[Elanya] he was so named in life because, when he was very young, he'd gotte in to his owner's lunch bag and managed to devour not one but TWO sandwiches.
[BalthCat] twoooo sandwiches :o
[Elanya] this had made him very illd, and caused Expensive Vet Bills, but sandwich had survived the incident, only later to die from a vicious coyote attack
[BalthCat] D:
[Elanya] Like many ghosts, Sandwich felt he had unfinished business
[Elanya] In fact, this was related to the manner of his death, and its perprtrator
[Elanya] The coyote responsible was not just *any* random wild animal, forced too close to human settlements by a harsh winter and looking for easy prey, but was in fact Coyote, the trickster spirit.
[Elanya] Sandwich had not, in fact been murdered for food, but to prevent him from thwarting Coyote's latest great trick.
[BalthCat] what a cunt ]:|
[Elanya] Sandwich, who hadn't really gone out of his way to overhear the spitit muttering to himself, as was his wont, about his great cleverness, but so convinced was Coyote that the Cat would rat him out, so to speak, that he'd decided to eat him just in case.
[Elanya] Sandwich didn't think this was very fair, and so, as a ghost, he wandered the farm trying to find some way to mess up this plan, and get his revenge
[Elanya] The plan, as it so happened, was really not all that ambitious.
[Elanya] Coyote was kinf od lazy, and possibly full of pilfered gin.
[BalthCat] Also he was a cunt.
[Elanya] where was I?
[Elanya] Coyote's plan
[BalthCat] gin
[Elanya] Coyote's plan was to acquire free tickets to go to south by southwest in Austin, so he could hook up with some music tarts and rock out to some fine sounds.
[BalthCat] ]:|
[Elanya] he knew that the farmer's daughter - Sandwich's owner, in life - was a hardcore music fan, and was likely going to acquire tickets for herself well in advance.
[Elanya] All Coyote would need to do was wait until she got them, and then slip in to the farm house while the family was away and take them.
* Lendrick has joined #deadesper
[Elanya] Coyote was, as previosuly established, kind of a cunt
[Lendrick] yo
[Elanya] So, the easiest thing for Sandwich to to to get his revenge, and coincidentally protect his ex-owner (or at least her concert tickets), was to keep coyote from being able to get in to the house after they arrived.
[Elanya] It may have been fairly simple, but for a few little setbacks
[Elanya] First of all, Coyote was a powerful spirit, and could shapeshift in to a human form if needed - granting him the most powerful of natural tools, opposable thumbs.
[Elanya] Secondly.... Sandwich was dead, and his ability to interact with the world of the living was fairly limited
[Elanya] in fact, as it turned out, the only creatures that Sandwich could interact with were his natural prey - mice, birds, adn some insects!
[Elanya] None of these were especially inclinedto help a ceature who had sent so many of their own kind to the afterlife.
[Elanya] Sandwich, to be honest, had very little to offer them.
[BalthCat] Not nattering constantly in their ears for all eternity is a good offering.
[Elanya] he coudlnt' bribe then with food, or promises of clemency
[Elanya] there was that, I suppose, but mice are good at ignoring nattering. It is a racial ability.
[Elanya] Birds are just used to it.
[Elanya] insects are barely clever enough to notice it, really ;x
[Elanya] still, eventually, Sandwich found someoe who was willing to listen - a wise old Crow, leader of his parliament, who craved knowledge of the aferlife.
[Elanya] For his information, the Crow agreed to rally some of the other animals to Sandwich's cause
[Elanya] 9hey bart, i'm telling an epic stpry about a ghost kitty)
[Elanya] (also, gin!)
[Elanya] When Coyote came to make his first attempt on the coveted South by Southwest tickets, Sandwich was ready
[BalthCat] With a BAZOOKA
[Elanya] "Coyote, you cunt," he said, "You are a total rat bastard, for killing me after I accidentally overheard your stupid plan. I had a rather fantastic life, wadering around terrorizing the wildlife and have love, attention, and food showered on me whenever I wished it. You ruined all that for me, so the least I can do is make sure you don't get to have cheap sex with band groupies or listen to any good tunes."
[Elanya] Coyote laughed. "Wat are you gonna do, cat? I killed you alread - you're dead, and you can't touch me!"
[Elanya] "We'll just have to see what all I can do to you."
[BalthCat] IN THE BUTT
[Elanya] Coyote lauged and ignored him, and sandwich just stood by, ghost tail twitching, as Coyote approached the house.
[Elanya] There came a buzzing sound...
[Elanya] if you guessed that a swarm of BEES was on its way to sting the unfortunate Coyote, you would be correct.
[Elanya] Sandwich just sat by and watched as the spirit tried, unsucessfully, to out run the swarm
[BalthCat] Yay bees.
[BalthCat] Bees riding CDs
[Elanya] This began something of a tradition
[BalthCat] From Strange Fortune
[Elanya] heh
[Elanya] every day for the next week, Coyote would make an attempt to get inside the house and steal the tickets, and every day, Sandwich and his unlikely allies wodl find some way to thwart him.
[Elanya] On the eighth day, Coyote approached the house, where Sandwhich waited, but this time he didn't try any of his tricks to sneak by.
[Elanya] "sandwich," he said, his tone concilliatory, "I can tell that you are pretty serious about this whole evenge thing. I'm starting to be very sorry indeed that I killed you. Still, you've had your fun, and I'm getting tired of being stung by bees, swarmed by starlings, and gnawed at by mice. You're not as clever as me, though, and I'm sure you'
[Elanya] ve got to be running out of ideas.
[Elanya] Lets sit down like reasonable spirits and discuss this."
[Elanya] Sandwich considered.
[BalthCat] WITH A BAZOOKA
[Elanya] At least, this is how he let it appear. In fact he knew Coyote would try this tactic, and had been banking on it
[Elanya] "Well," he said finally. "I suppose that mayeb you are right. You are, after all, a very powerful and clever spirit, and I'm just a dead cat. Too be honest I am getting sort of tired of all this. 'm a cat, after all, and while we can be pretty spiteful, we don'rt have great attention spans."
[Elanya] "Lets parley, and see what we can figure out."
[Elanya] "Great," said Coyote, "Then lets go to my den - we can talk there, Since I've already eaten you, you'll have nothing to fear."
[Elanya] "Well now," said Sandwich, "I don't know about that. I may be dead, but you are a powerful spirit and I don't think I am comfortable heading in to your lair, where you might trap me or worse.How about this. You can come in to the house, and I will have my allies pour us a libation, and we can speak together there, under guard."
[Elanya] "That would be fine with me, agreed Coyote."
[Elanya] Of course, he figured that if he was to be admitted to the house, he'd already be halfway to his goal, and could surely outsmart some mce or birds or whatever allies Sadwich had on hand today, to get to the girl's room, and stral the tickets.
[Elanya] Of course, sandwich had been counting on just this very greed.
[BalthCat] For inside was ... A CROCODILE
[BalthCat] or a beaver
[Elanya] "Come in then, my servants are preparing us some gin."
[Elanya] Gin, was of course, of of Coyote's weaknesses. While he had originally planned to go for the tickets directly, now he thought maybe he would wait
[Elanya] he could have some gin and get the tickets - win win for him. In fact, since Sandwich was dead, he culd have wice as much gin, since the cat wouldn't be able to drink his own portion.
[Elanya] Inside the kitchen, the mice had fetched the drinks - just as Sandwich had prepared in advance
[BalthCat] ROOFIES
[Elanya] (ordered in advance... whatever -_-)
[Elanya] Indeed... the dirnks were both drugged, but Coyote hadn't credited the ghost kitty with that much guile
[Elanya] "Let us talk, then," said sandwich. "tell me why i should leave off my quest for revenge, and let you steal from the girl who served my whims so well while I was alive."
[Elanya] "Now now," said Coyote, "lets not be hasty, we shouldn't rush in to this important parlay without observing all the ustomary forms. We should drink firstm, and then talk."
[Elanya] "This had better not be one of your tricks," said Saidnwhich, all the while knowing just what Coyote was up to. "My people... er, animals, have their eyes on you."
[Elanya] "Oh, this is no trick!" the spirit assured him. "It is the proper way tp proceed in these matters. We should both partake of the peace libations before we speak."
[Elanya] This was not entirely a lie, but that wasn't coyote's real motivation. he was just a selfish dick who wanted all the gin.
[Elanya] "Very well," Sandwich agreed, "lets drink up then, and get down to business."
[Elanya] Coyote lapped up his gin greedily, but when Sandwich went to lap at his saucer, he couldn't, being a ghost, drink it at all.
[Elanya] "Oh no," wailed Coyote, "this won't do! If all the ritual libations arent consumed, we can't proceed with the parley."
[Elanya] Of course, really he just wanted more gin.
[Elanya] "Let me drink your bowl as well, and then, of course, we'll get down to talking."
[Elanya] "If it is so important to you, then go right ahead," Sandwich replied. "Frankly I am getting tired of this whole thing and just want to get it over with."
[Elanya] Coyote took this as great encouragement - he was already inside the house, and the cat was losing interest in the rivalry. Soon the tickets, drunken 18 year olds, and rocking bands would all be his to enjoy
[Elanya] Greedily he lapped up the second saucer of gin.
[Elanya] His thirst quenched, he started to make a break for the kitchen door, intending to streak past Sandwich's mouse guards and make for the daughter's room.
[Elanya] Instead, he found he was too unsteady on his feet.
[Elanya] "You're no coyote," Sandwich declared with much satisfaction and the spirit fumbled around the room, "You're nothing but a jackass. if you have ony drunk your own gin, you might have been a little light headed and slow on your feet. if you'd really meant to talk, we might have been able to cme to an agreement."
[Elanya] "But no, you're a selfish cunt, and with twice as much drug in your system, you are now surely going to die. If the OD doesn't get you, surely the Farmer or his wife will shoot you when they find you passed out in the kitchen. Your greed and general asshattery has been your undoing. I win mother fucker."
[Elanya] To add insult to injury, Sandwich peed ghost cat pee on the spirit's head so that the scent would haunt him forever.
[Elanya] His mision of revenge complete, Sandwich proceeded to Kitty heaven, where there were human slaves to provide food and love and pettings, plenty of things to kill, and an endless suply of catnip
[Elanya] the end.
[Elanya] happy?
[Elanya] once upon a time there was a ghost kitty named sandwich
[BalthCat] :3
[BalthCat] why is the kiddy a ghost? D:
[BalthCat] kitty
[Elanya] he was so named in life because, when he was very young, he'd gotte in to his owner's lunch bag and managed to devour not one but TWO sandwiches.
[BalthCat] twoooo sandwiches :o
[Elanya] this had made him very illd, and caused Expensive Vet Bills, but sandwich had survived the incident, only later to die from a vicious coyote attack
[BalthCat] D:
[Elanya] Like many ghosts, Sandwich felt he had unfinished business
[Elanya] In fact, this was related to the manner of his death, and its perprtrator
[Elanya] The coyote responsible was not just *any* random wild animal, forced too close to human settlements by a harsh winter and looking for easy prey, but was in fact Coyote, the trickster spirit.
[Elanya] Sandwich had not, in fact been murdered for food, but to prevent him from thwarting Coyote's latest great trick.
[BalthCat] what a cunt ]:|
[Elanya] Sandwich, who hadn't really gone out of his way to overhear the spitit muttering to himself, as was his wont, about his great cleverness, but so convinced was Coyote that the Cat would rat him out, so to speak, that he'd decided to eat him just in case.
[Elanya] Sandwich didn't think this was very fair, and so, as a ghost, he wandered the farm trying to find some way to mess up this plan, and get his revenge
[Elanya] The plan, as it so happened, was really not all that ambitious.
[Elanya] Coyote was kinf od lazy, and possibly full of pilfered gin.
[BalthCat] Also he was a cunt.
[Elanya] where was I?
[Elanya] Coyote's plan
[BalthCat] gin
[Elanya] Coyote's plan was to acquire free tickets to go to south by southwest in Austin, so he could hook up with some music tarts and rock out to some fine sounds.
[BalthCat] ]:|
[Elanya] he knew that the farmer's daughter - Sandwich's owner, in life - was a hardcore music fan, and was likely going to acquire tickets for herself well in advance.
[Elanya] All Coyote would need to do was wait until she got them, and then slip in to the farm house while the family was away and take them.
* Lendrick has joined #deadesper
[Elanya] Coyote was, as previosuly established, kind of a cunt
[Lendrick] yo
[Elanya] So, the easiest thing for Sandwich to to to get his revenge, and coincidentally protect his ex-owner (or at least her concert tickets), was to keep coyote from being able to get in to the house after they arrived.
[Elanya] It may have been fairly simple, but for a few little setbacks
[Elanya] First of all, Coyote was a powerful spirit, and could shapeshift in to a human form if needed - granting him the most powerful of natural tools, opposable thumbs.
[Elanya] Secondly.... Sandwich was dead, and his ability to interact with the world of the living was fairly limited
[Elanya] in fact, as it turned out, the only creatures that Sandwich could interact with were his natural prey - mice, birds, adn some insects!
[Elanya] None of these were especially inclinedto help a ceature who had sent so many of their own kind to the afterlife.
[Elanya] Sandwich, to be honest, had very little to offer them.
[BalthCat] Not nattering constantly in their ears for all eternity is a good offering.
[Elanya] he coudlnt' bribe then with food, or promises of clemency
[Elanya] there was that, I suppose, but mice are good at ignoring nattering. It is a racial ability.
[Elanya] Birds are just used to it.
[Elanya] insects are barely clever enough to notice it, really ;x
[Elanya] still, eventually, Sandwich found someoe who was willing to listen - a wise old Crow, leader of his parliament, who craved knowledge of the aferlife.
[Elanya] For his information, the Crow agreed to rally some of the other animals to Sandwich's cause
[Elanya] 9hey bart, i'm telling an epic stpry about a ghost kitty)
[Elanya] (also, gin!)
[Elanya] When Coyote came to make his first attempt on the coveted South by Southwest tickets, Sandwich was ready
[BalthCat] With a BAZOOKA
[Elanya] "Coyote, you cunt," he said, "You are a total rat bastard, for killing me after I accidentally overheard your stupid plan. I had a rather fantastic life, wadering around terrorizing the wildlife and have love, attention, and food showered on me whenever I wished it. You ruined all that for me, so the least I can do is make sure you don't get to have cheap sex with band groupies or listen to any good tunes."
[Elanya] Coyote laughed. "Wat are you gonna do, cat? I killed you alread - you're dead, and you can't touch me!"
[Elanya] "We'll just have to see what all I can do to you."
[BalthCat] IN THE BUTT
[Elanya] Coyote lauged and ignored him, and sandwich just stood by, ghost tail twitching, as Coyote approached the house.
[Elanya] There came a buzzing sound...
[Elanya] if you guessed that a swarm of BEES was on its way to sting the unfortunate Coyote, you would be correct.
[Elanya] Sandwich just sat by and watched as the spirit tried, unsucessfully, to out run the swarm
[BalthCat] Yay bees.
[BalthCat] Bees riding CDs
[Elanya] This began something of a tradition
[BalthCat] From Strange Fortune
[Elanya] heh
[Elanya] every day for the next week, Coyote would make an attempt to get inside the house and steal the tickets, and every day, Sandwich and his unlikely allies wodl find some way to thwart him.
[Elanya] On the eighth day, Coyote approached the house, where Sandwhich waited, but this time he didn't try any of his tricks to sneak by.
[Elanya] "sandwich," he said, his tone concilliatory, "I can tell that you are pretty serious about this whole evenge thing. I'm starting to be very sorry indeed that I killed you. Still, you've had your fun, and I'm getting tired of being stung by bees, swarmed by starlings, and gnawed at by mice. You're not as clever as me, though, and I'm sure you'
[Elanya] ve got to be running out of ideas.
[Elanya] Lets sit down like reasonable spirits and discuss this."
[Elanya] Sandwich considered.
[BalthCat] WITH A BAZOOKA
[Elanya] At least, this is how he let it appear. In fact he knew Coyote would try this tactic, and had been banking on it
[Elanya] "Well," he said finally. "I suppose that mayeb you are right. You are, after all, a very powerful and clever spirit, and I'm just a dead cat. Too be honest I am getting sort of tired of all this. 'm a cat, after all, and while we can be pretty spiteful, we don'rt have great attention spans."
[Elanya] "Lets parley, and see what we can figure out."
[Elanya] "Great," said Coyote, "Then lets go to my den - we can talk there, Since I've already eaten you, you'll have nothing to fear."
[Elanya] "Well now," said Sandwich, "I don't know about that. I may be dead, but you are a powerful spirit and I don't think I am comfortable heading in to your lair, where you might trap me or worse.How about this. You can come in to the house, and I will have my allies pour us a libation, and we can speak together there, under guard."
[Elanya] "That would be fine with me, agreed Coyote."
[Elanya] Of course, he figured that if he was to be admitted to the house, he'd already be halfway to his goal, and could surely outsmart some mce or birds or whatever allies Sadwich had on hand today, to get to the girl's room, and stral the tickets.
[Elanya] Of course, sandwich had been counting on just this very greed.
[BalthCat] For inside was ... A CROCODILE
[BalthCat] or a beaver
[Elanya] "Come in then, my servants are preparing us some gin."
[Elanya] Gin, was of course, of of Coyote's weaknesses. While he had originally planned to go for the tickets directly, now he thought maybe he would wait
[Elanya] he could have some gin and get the tickets - win win for him. In fact, since Sandwich was dead, he culd have wice as much gin, since the cat wouldn't be able to drink his own portion.
[Elanya] Inside the kitchen, the mice had fetched the drinks - just as Sandwich had prepared in advance
[BalthCat] ROOFIES
[Elanya] (ordered in advance... whatever -_-)
[Elanya] Indeed... the dirnks were both drugged, but Coyote hadn't credited the ghost kitty with that much guile
[Elanya] "Let us talk, then," said sandwich. "tell me why i should leave off my quest for revenge, and let you steal from the girl who served my whims so well while I was alive."
[Elanya] "Now now," said Coyote, "lets not be hasty, we shouldn't rush in to this important parlay without observing all the ustomary forms. We should drink firstm, and then talk."
[Elanya] "This had better not be one of your tricks," said Saidnwhich, all the while knowing just what Coyote was up to. "My people... er, animals, have their eyes on you."
[Elanya] "Oh, this is no trick!" the spirit assured him. "It is the proper way tp proceed in these matters. We should both partake of the peace libations before we speak."
[Elanya] This was not entirely a lie, but that wasn't coyote's real motivation. he was just a selfish dick who wanted all the gin.
[Elanya] "Very well," Sandwich agreed, "lets drink up then, and get down to business."
[Elanya] Coyote lapped up his gin greedily, but when Sandwich went to lap at his saucer, he couldn't, being a ghost, drink it at all.
[Elanya] "Oh no," wailed Coyote, "this won't do! If all the ritual libations arent consumed, we can't proceed with the parley."
[Elanya] Of course, really he just wanted more gin.
[Elanya] "Let me drink your bowl as well, and then, of course, we'll get down to talking."
[Elanya] "If it is so important to you, then go right ahead," Sandwich replied. "Frankly I am getting tired of this whole thing and just want to get it over with."
[Elanya] Coyote took this as great encouragement - he was already inside the house, and the cat was losing interest in the rivalry. Soon the tickets, drunken 18 year olds, and rocking bands would all be his to enjoy
[Elanya] Greedily he lapped up the second saucer of gin.
[Elanya] His thirst quenched, he started to make a break for the kitchen door, intending to streak past Sandwich's mouse guards and make for the daughter's room.
[Elanya] Instead, he found he was too unsteady on his feet.
[Elanya] "You're no coyote," Sandwich declared with much satisfaction and the spirit fumbled around the room, "You're nothing but a jackass. if you have ony drunk your own gin, you might have been a little light headed and slow on your feet. if you'd really meant to talk, we might have been able to cme to an agreement."
[Elanya] "But no, you're a selfish cunt, and with twice as much drug in your system, you are now surely going to die. If the OD doesn't get you, surely the Farmer or his wife will shoot you when they find you passed out in the kitchen. Your greed and general asshattery has been your undoing. I win mother fucker."
[Elanya] To add insult to injury, Sandwich peed ghost cat pee on the spirit's head so that the scent would haunt him forever.
[Elanya] His mision of revenge complete, Sandwich proceeded to Kitty heaven, where there were human slaves to provide food and love and pettings, plenty of things to kill, and an endless suply of catnip
[Elanya] the end.
[Elanya] happy?