elanya

Just for the sake of silliness... I'm posting this huge-ish list of both bad adds and church bulletin bloopers that I have collected over the years. And though I hadn't done it originally 'cause I didn't know how, balthcat told me the code to make it a cut away, so those of you who aren't as easily amused as I don't have to read 'em. They are funny though!

Bad ad #1: For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Bad ad #2: Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
Bad ad #3: Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
Bad ad #4: We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
Bad ad #5: For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Bad ad #6: Great Dames for sale.
Bad ad #7: Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Bad ad #8: Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Bad ad #9: Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
Bad ad #10: Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, 200$ a month. References required.
Bad ad #11: UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Bad ad #12: Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Bad ad #13: Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
Bad ad #14: Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Bad ad #15: And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
Bad ad #16(seen in Toys R Us): Barbie Nibbles Horse: $19.95.
Church Blooper #1: The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Church Blooper #2: Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
Church Blooper #3: The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
Church Blooper #4: Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
Church Blooper #5: The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
Church Blooper #6: A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
Church Blooper #7: Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
Church Blooper #8: The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Church Blooper #9: Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Church Blooper #10: The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David, the sin of Rev.and Mrs. Adams.
Church Blooper #11: Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
Church Blooper #12: A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
Church Blooper #13: At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Church Blooper #14: Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Church Blooper #15: Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
Church Blooper #16: Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.
Church Blooper #17: The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
Church Blooper #18: The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
Church Blooper #19: Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
Church Blooper #20: Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.
Church Blooper #21: For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Church Blooper #22: This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
Church Blooper #23: The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
Church Blooper #24: Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Church Blooper #25: The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
Church Blooper #26: Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Church Blooper #27: A study is underway by the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC) to determine if the clergy do more than lay people.
Church blooper #28: Miss Charlene Mason sang I will not pass this way again, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Church Blooper #29: Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
Church Blooper #30: The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Church Blooper #31: The sermon this morning: Jesus walks on the water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
Church Blooper #32: Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
Church Blooper #33: The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
Church Blooper #34: This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.