elanya

So as others have been saying of late, I'd like to try using dreamwidth/livejournal more. I don't do much with it these days - I don't even use it for lists as much as I used to, though I really should try. I can't decide if this current desire is simply a mark of a slow day at work (That will be changing soon, I'm sure) or a desire to procrastinate All The Things, or something else. Maybe its the new year, but I doubt it - I've never been much of one for resolutions.

So, I have been thinking a lot about writing lately, because of Yuletide. I have also been doing a lot of writing, also for the same reasons. There are so many good writers who participate. it makes e think - I'm not a brilliant writer. I'm a good one, and maybe sometimes good enough, but not really brilliant. But there are some people whose work I always stumble in to who write so beautifully and so interestingly and I wonder where in me I can find that? There are things I do in my writing that I'm aware of but not sure how to change - I spell things out too much. I am not good at evoking without describing, sometimes. I let myself get bogged down in details. I worry that all my internal character voices sound alike. I dunno. I'm not having a big 'oh gods I'm terrible' crisis of faith or anything, I'm just not sure what the best way would be for me to push myself to do better. Maybe I need to try writing different kinds of stories? One of the things I like about Yuletide is that it does tend to push at my boundaries and often I do find things I like beyond them.

I'm still/always fighting with myself about the sorts of things I spend my writing time on too. I'm not very marketable, even in the fanfiction world. I poke at corners of things, or I explore ideas rather than people. Or I write people no one else has any investment in other than myself and a handful of others. Should I be happy enough with that? I don't know why I'm so driven to seek acknowledgement/praise for things - I think it is because I don't really trust myself to value my own talents properly. I'm too much in the middle of the pack to gauge (well maybe not the dead middle - say closer to the front but nowhere near the lead), for the most part, and I can't decide if I'm pulling ahead or falling behind. I think if I could draw more attention on my own merit I would feel more secure, maybe? I expect this is an all-too common condition.

Later today maybe I will instead write about all the crap I'm *supposed* to be working on :D